6 Warning Signs He Is Looking For A Rescuer And Not A FLR
There are many, many men who desire to have a woman who is fit to lead them in a relationship, but there are also men masquerading as advocates for female led relationships when they really want a rescuer. Do not get caught in the trap of being a mother to a man when you should be his lady and captain of your family’s ship. If he exhibits any of these signs, you should let him go.
1. He lists himself as a dependent
If using Online Dating, pay close attention to Career and Salary to see if these are completed or left blank for you to figure it out.
Most dating sites have places marked for salaries and careers and even if some do not fill them out, they can choose to “tell you later.” However, when you are going to be solicited to be the breadwinner, then a low salary will be posted, and “dependent” status is given.
Again, if you desire to do this, then proceed with caution, since this is the beginning of the switch from FemDom to Caregiver/Rescuer. You will be experiencing emotional burn out in record time, and wonder how this all occurred. He will be a happy Submissive. Red Flag
2. He interviews you to see what you have to offer him
If your first telephone call sound like an interview for a job, but you are doing all of the information giving, he is not doing any sharing at all.
In the beginning, both parties should be able to “bring” topics to the table, and work relations, and goals should be shared. You should be comfortable speaking about your career, and also showing interest and hearing about his as well. If you begin to feel that you are being solicited to give more than you are receiving, then you are. Caution: Yellow light
3. He has nothing to offer
When you ask him about his work, and his reply is, “I am between jobs.”
This reply might be given when you are having your first telephone call, so hopefully you choose a “telephone style meet” first vs. a face-to-face because it is easier to hear this reply and then talk a little more and end pursuing this relationship. Why?
A person with a healthy self-esteem would not be searching online to find someone if he has nothing to offer. He understands this concept and would not risk rejection. However, a person who is looking to be rescued by a desperate female would. So, he is on the prowl for someone to take care of him and hoping that when he says “I am between jobs” that you will not go any further, and just begin to date and pay for everything. Redflag: Danger
4. He says he can not afford to date you
When he tells you on the first Vanilla date, “I really like you, but cannot afford to be in a relationship with you because I have nothing to offer you.” However, he is really trying to make you like him..
Very simple, agree with him, have a good date, and chalk this one up to “interview over the phone more, and save the face-to-face date for when you at least checked him out a little more.
However, if you get stuck with hearing this while you are on the date, then just eat less, and end things before he gets to continue enjoying several more glasses of wine and they bring the dessert menu. After all, you got nothing to gain, so get the check and call it a night. Caution: Yellow/Green (you got away cheap)
5. He wants you to feel sorry for him
When he begins to share with you all of his woes, and you actually can “count” them up later, and almost feel like you should be jumping off of a bridge. For example, filed bankruptcy, owe over $50,000. in medical debt, no medical coverage, driving a relative’s junk car, and pending another surgical procedure, but cannot get one because he does not have medical coverage, and has no place to live if he loses his job.
Even easier, listen with empathy, and share very little now because he is trying to elicit “caregiver” energy. After he has dumped all of this out, give his a very soft landing, and run for the hills. There is absolutely nothing here at all, and you cannot begin to “fix” this person unless you completely give him your entire life. So, just run and don’t look back!!!!!!! Emergency: Critical Mass
6. He flat out offers his services in exchange for room and board
Saving the best for last, *the Negotiator* will just come out and tell you, “You appear to need a Wife, so I will do the wife duties, if you let me stay with you and you take care of me and all of my expenses.” Why? Because of many of the reasons presented above.
Of all of the offers, this one comes across as an innocent trade, however, you will have to consider what got him here, and what baggage is lurking and who is going to pay for this later. Again, you might avoid this by doing a thorough interview. And, have a set of standards to follow: not moving anyone into my home, or wait until we have been together for a year, etc.
Many dangers come as offers of giving you, so you must learn to lose the feeling that you are not worth a good partner. In a FLR, you are expecting to lead in the decisions that are made in your relationships. It does not mean, you are going to take care of someone and give them a free ride. So, be prepared to educate many suitors and become very comfortable with the word…(NEXT)!!!!!
Lady Alpha Myan
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Yes, you are obviously a wise woman, Lady Alpha Myan, and I’m sure you have chosen the man you lead in your relationship with great forethought and care and that his devotion to you is such that he reciprocates with inspired attentiveness to your needs.
I think perhaps that some males confuse the meaning of FLR with having a strong capable woman to mother them through life, to pick up the pieces of their previous disasters and to basically offer them lifetime security (financial and emotional) in return for doing the dishes and taking the garbage out. You are so right to recommend caution. A pure FLR is multi-tiered. I tend to my Lady’s needs in so many wonderful ways, both inside the home and out in the community. Her feminine grace and intelligence inspires me to serve Her.
It is fortunate for all of us who believe in the benefits of a FLR that a site like Conquer Him exists to offer intelligent Dominant Women such as yourself a platform to share your knowledge.
Thankyou
So, in other words, as long as he has a good job and makes plenty of money, he’s OK
I guess I’m confused about your definition of FLR.
If you want female supremacy with a male slave then I know of women who keep their men at home, not even allowed to go outside. Obviously these men do not work – why? Because to operate on a day-to-day basis in “the system” requires agency – the ability to make many choices and decisions – which requires independence – both of these are obviously contrary to the nature df both supremacy and slavery.
Also, few people can make the mental switch between work-independence and home -slavery easily – again, why some women keep their slaves at home 24/7.
I guess if your definition of FLR means “I make all the decisions at home” then what you say may be correct but again is dependent on the males ability to leave the stresses of everyday at the doorstep – not something easily done when you’ve got to go to work again tomorrow. This kind of FLR really is nothing more than saying “I want my cake and I want to eat it too” – or in other words don’t advertise for a “relationship” (where is the relationship in supremacy??) – just be honest and advertise “Resources wanted”.
So I guess it comes down to clarity of words and definitions – something I haven’t got from your website yet – or this article (maybe I missed something?)
So, I gue
Erica, with respect, I can’t find any mention in Lady Alpha Myan’s post of keeping a 24/7 home slave. It might be a separate topic. She seems to haven compiled quite a sensible list of cautionary opinions, collected, I presume, from personal experience and feminine wisdom. The feeling I got from her writing was that she simply wants a beautiful FLR that works for her. Possibly not all of her needs have been served in the past and she’s passing her experience on to us. That’s good, it creates discussion.
By the way, I work extremely hard in a full-time job and still serve and obey my Lady wherever we happen to be. No mental switch required. I love my work and look forward to serving her.
I do like Lady Alpha Myan’s resolve not to settle for the second-best FLR possible. She has higher standards and whoever she chooses to serve her must rise to meet them. I think that comes through clearly in her writing. She insists on the best, which is certainly a lesson I embrace.
The other thing I get from Lady Alpha Myan’s writing is that she certainly doesn’t need someone like me around to defend her.
To: Erica, thank you for your comment. FLR is not intended for everyone and as such, many will not desire to follow its course or its beliefs, no different than one person liking vanilla ice cream, and another preferring chocolate.
Matrimony and relationships have been dominated by men for years with women being subservient to men in all facets of life. The fact that we have never had a female president lend itself to our need to trust men to run our nation and make critical decisions that impact our government.
We are so easily trusting that men are to be given their rightful place at the head of everything despite the fact that women are usually the “keepers” of the flame and do the work both inside/outside of the home.
You mentioned “wanting cake and eating it too.” Some of us have had to go out and purchase the batter for this cake, and bought the car that got us to the store to buy the batter in the first place. So, we are not making the argument that we are giving up on love at all–we are making the claim that we are the loving leaders of our families and we are no longer negotiating with men who want us to bend to their weak egos.
We are giving our love to the Men who have the heart and the capacity to know how to love a strong female partner, and believe me they do exist.
They are the ones who will understand that you had a difficult day, and instead of picking a fight in order to exit the door, or to have you pay for everything while he remains out with the guys, or God forbid he just got out of jail recently, or has an unstable employment history–unless he is just the exception, his preference is to hang out with his friends until late at night, and then return home for another work day of “looking for work.”.
In my profession, I see nothing but women making excuses for their men and telling why they cannot get this or that for their children, just the basic staples of life. So, I do literally mean these men are out with their friends, marginally employed and certainly not taking care of the many children they have “fathered”.
When I am combing the sites for material, I see so many ads for young boys less than 20 years old desiring to be “slaves” to an older woman. What does that tell you? They are already deciding that an older woman with resources can take care of them. They are not asking the girl next door with the 4 children to do this. He is not asking how to get a job, he is asking how to move in with her, and be taken care of by her, so he can do all of the above.
Real Women have decided to take a stand and go after what they want and decided they are worth their weight in gold, silver, and rubies.
FLR and the Women who choose to love and lead are Phenomenon and the Men who are luck y to have and to hold, will be cherishing her for a lifetime.
It is not intended for everyone, as everyone is not intended to be a Leader.
Lady Alpha Myan
Six points enumerated, but they only make one point: a man’s value is solely in the resources he can acquire.
That’s true enough in traditional society, and there’s cogent arguments in evolutionary psychology for the inate fungibility and expendability of the male. But, the same can be said for a woman’s place being in the home, caring for children. If we reject the latter, we shouldn’t feel bound by the former, either.
That said, i do work outside the home, while She does not. Her choice how we live our lives.