Dear Queenie: I Feel Crushed When My Wife Tells Me What To Do

Dear Queenie,

I can not understand this feeling as I am a very mature and open minded man. My wife of 5 years has changed to a woman who tells me what to do and I find myself feeling crushed behind it, but I am proud of her that she does not feel the way she did when we first met, as a victim of being hurt by men all of her life.

I feel crushed when my wife says to do this and that. I do it because I love her and I want to encourage her to be strong. It still hurts me and feels good both at the same time.

Jeff

♦♦♦

Hi Jeff,

This is absolutely normal. The pain or crushing you feel is the crushing of your ego which is telling you to fight back for control and for authority. Your heart and love for your wife is telling you something different and you should listen to that over your ego any day.

You feel crushed because you are breaking inside. You are breaking out of your old ways, out of the times you were obligated to lead because no one else would, out of the days of being in a relationship but carrying it by yourself. You are being broken. Hey, that is perfectly okay.

Keep breaking. Keep allowing her to grow. Keep encouraging her. If you know that she is leading you toward a better union and happier existence then keep following her. If she becomes spiteful and mean then you have to have a conversation to reel her back in but until then it does not hurt to do the dishes when told or to massage her feet or to make sure she is comfortable.

Crush your ego and allow your wife to live a fantasy life, all because you gave that gift to her.

Queenie

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