Dating A Submissive Cowboy

It started with a walk to the park. There I sat, watching the sun go down over the lake at MacArthur Park simply minding my own business. A woman walks by and asks if she could sit with me and I shrug. She regales me with stories of her latest life adventures. Despite many setbacks she has just completed school and was now hoping to get her life together. Her world had changed when she met a man on Craigslist who was now her boyfriend.

I was impressed when she told me that they had been together for 4 months. Me being…well..ME..I can’t seem to get past a first date before the guy annoys me. I secretly think things never work out for me because I really enjoy being single.

But her joy washed over me and by the time I got home, undressed and flopped into bed, my thoughts turned to Craigslist and I figured I would browse and see what I would find.

After scanning the personals written by men, one ad caught my eye. He said he was looking to serve as a slave to a Black Goddess and would be completely obedient and helpful because he loved Black women.

Being a Black Goddess, I thought to myself- Hmm. I like the idea of that. Although I had never dated a man whose submission was so deep as wanting to be a slave, I had met plenty of male and female slaves who proudly showcased their slave number tattoos.

Not even thinking about perfecting a reply, I wrote to him expressing my desire to have a submissive who would help me to grow my businesses and be a role model for other submissive men by allowing me to write about him and share videos with him in them.

He wrote back the next day telling me more about himself, that he was a cowboy, originally from Europe and that he had served 2 Black Mistresses in the past and really missed it. He expressed his desire to serve me with his whole heart and I thought to myself- You do not even know if I am worthy of serving. How can you express that so easily? Don’t you need to learn about my values first? Don’t you want to see if I am an honest woman, a caring woman, a woman who is a good leader?

He also sent about 6 photos of himself and I smiled because he was very cute. He later sent about 10 more photos. Still cute. He asked for a photo of me and I told him that I would send a link to my Youtube channel later. I wanted to learn more about his past service to women. I asked him to contribute to my blog by writing about why he loves serving women.

He wrote for me but I never posted it. It seemed too fetishy and I did not feel comfortable with that. He detailed how much he loved being a slave, bowing low, being summoned for service. Being used for everything the Goddess needs. We emailed a bit more and I decided that we could meet on Skype for our first meeting. He was game. We logged in one evening and talked for about an hour before I became tired and had to go.

During that meeting he was charming, the camera was blurry, but he was cool. I felt something stir in me and I could not identify it at the time but now I believe it was fear. Disappointment after dating feels comfortable and natural to me and actually liking someone makes me feel afraid.

I am an extreme introvert and although the idea of having a companion is appealing, the reality of it to me, means having someone take away the time I spend being selfish and moving along my goals. Usually the person I am seeing has no idea how to help me progress, but as a natural problem solver I can easily help solve the problems they present. The ease with which I can develop a new framework for emotional and financial issues brings me joy, but often leads me to resent the person I am helping when I feel that they can not return the favor and help me as well.

But still, I pressed on. We chatted more and I enjoyed his conversation over the phone. He was funny and filled with stories about his former career and his lifestyle. The descriptions of the training he had received were nothing like what I wanted. I do not need or want a man who desires to have his mouth taped shut for talking too much. Nor do I want a man to kiss my feet. For what? I expressed these things to him and he said I could have whatever I wanted but those are things he enjoys and he would offer them to me if I wanted it.

One thing made me pause, although I admit, I look for things to analyze. He said he was between jobs. This is a great way to state that he is unemployed without making it seem like he is living in poverty and needs help. I shrugged that statement off because it did not seem like that big of a deal since I am not a financial dominant and I do not need financial help from him or anyone.

But then when he shared that he was having nightmares about losing everything and being homeless on the street, I lost it and immediately went into problem solving mode. I hung up with him but could not complete my own work because my mind was conjuring up ways to help him to create income. I called him back and shared a few of my best ideas for creating income outside of a 9 to 5. He accepted my suggestions, but I could tell he was not enthused by them. He is a worker and likes the stability of a steady paycheck.

Unmatch. I knew it instantly but then I thought about the submissive man I had interviewed who shared with me that not all submissive men are intended for romantic love. He said some men were meant to serve me without getting emotions involved, just for the sake of service and I entertained that idea.

The one thing that annoyed me about him was his use of insults toward women. As we chatted about physical features of women that he finds appealing he stated that he would never date an overweight woman and called them Multi-Ton Women.

I immediately went on the defense. How can a man who professes female supremacy as his lifestyle judge a woman based on weight? I corrected him and told him that if we would move forward he would have to greet any overweight women he sees and tell them that they are beautiful.

We chatted for a few days. I really enjoyed talking to him but I was going back and forth in my mind over the unemployed thing. I explained to him that I thought it was selfish to try to be with a woman when he was on shaky ground himself. If he is offering slavery, I would not feel comfortable taking full advantage when I knew he was in dire straits. He said that it would never be a problem.

I encouraged him to keep dating other women because he kept assuring me that he wanted to serve me very much and I knew I was unsure about him. Plus, I like to give men all the room they want to make their choices. I never want control. I never want to be an obligation. I want a man’s devotion to me to be his choice, not out of loyalty but out of a sincere desire. Not out of a fear of a punishment, but because he truly wants to be my rock.

One night I called him up and I invited him to meet me at a diner for breakfast since it was 3 am. He drove one hour to meet me. I did not put any effort into dressing nicely for him. I wore a long black skirt, sneakers and a hat. It is typical for me to try to look bland when I meet someone because I understand that people judge you based on your looks and I want to weed those judgmental people out. I am so much more than my outer shell.

He was dressed in a crisp white button down shirt with a red tie and slacks. He looked like he was going to a job interview and I looked like I was going to bed. He kind of looked like his pictures but I immediately got the “No contact” impression. A woman knows when she meets a man whether or not she would ever allow him to touch her and I knew from that very moment. Could I allow him to be around me even though I knew I would never, ever want him to touch me? Is that what having a service submissive is about?

As we chatted, I felt safe, but I still felt uncertain about him. Once again, I brought up the topic of different women and he called one woman a WHORE. I was upset. Very much so. He seemed to be extremely judgmental of women’s choices, almost as though he secretly thinks he is better than some women. I immediately got the vibe that serving women is not a heartfelt activity for him, it is a fetish.

As we ended our meal, he got up before me and walked down the aisle. He had mentioned that he was in an accident but this man truly looked disabled like he should be in bed. I was disappointed. I hate wasting my time. Dating surely does suck. But he wasn’t that bad.

I figured maybe this is what all women go through when dating, having to correct and shape a man’s mind. The only thing is, I was not sure I was patient enough to do it.

When he reached home he sent me a sweet text thanking me for the opportunity to meet me and raving about what a great time he had, how he can’t wait to serve me truly.

I wrote back: I don’t like how you disrespect women.

He wrote a lengthy explanation sharing how he would change and I would see just how much of a genuine slave he really is when I experience his service.

I wrote back: I think Black women are a fetish for you.

He wrote back another response sharing that he does love women and I would see when he serves me. He ended it by writing: I think we met for a certain purpose. There is a deeper meaning to this.

I did not respond.

Later that evening I get another text from him: After meeting you in person I change my mind about serving you. Thank you for responding to my ad and good luck.

I laughed and shook my head. Relieved. As usual.

From all of the women in FLRS that I have met so far, when they met their partners- they- JUST KNEW.

If a man is presenting himself and you do not feel that you would be proud to show him to the world, do not entertain it any longer.

I sometimes feel like I should just – give a man a chance. But when I do, I always feel like I am settling. I do not want to make a man over. I just want a man who is capable of honoring my choices and cuddling with me when I want it.

No makeovers. I don’t want to rescue him. I do not want to hear degrading words about women or anyone else for that matter. I’d love to meet a cool ass dude who is successful in his own right and is extremely turned on by an independent woman who is making waves in this world. He would be so intrigued and turned on by her intellect and business skills that he would move mountains to help support her so that she can blow the roof off of her dreams.

I will try again sometime soon. I believe it is possible.

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