Dear Queenie: How Can I Find A Loving Dominant Woman?

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Dear Queenie,

I have been married for over 25 years (almost 3 years separated, while in a divorce process). I was a “Stay-home-dad” (was interviewed by American Baby and a local news station and was written up by two major (Boston) newspapers and two local ones as well.

I was the modern day “House Husband”, took care of my infant son (to age 16), did all the house chores, and the yard work. I worked a full time job, nights and weekends driving tractor trailers to jersey back to Boston in 12-14 hours.

I wasn’t in a Female Led relationship. Although she was a boss at work, she wanted to be my boss and mother. She was older about 7 years. At home she was not a loving wife, but an evil, sadistic Dictator!

But now I have learned a lot, compared to 25 years ago when the only things about Femdom I was exposed to were the magazines I used to buy. I even got a kindle book on “How to find a FemDom wife.” I am not a wimp, but I am a caring, considerate gentleman, that is willing to do anything for a women.

What’s funny is I see a lot of ads on dating pages that look for men who are similar to that which I described above.

hunkWhat pisses me off, is that these women are looking for “hunks” like this guy. I used to look like him, maybe 25 years ago, but things change. I am not a very fat guy, but I have my belly, which was not caused by drinking beer. 

I would like to ask you, how do I place an Ad on a “vanilla” site, that don’t sound “needy” or “desperate” to women?

At I got a profile, but a lot are “pro’s” or want “sugar daddy’s”? Some women are nice, but they live way across the country and want you to drop everything and start submitting ASAP. That’s nice, but I am looking for a loving Female Led Relationship! Are their such a thing? Or is it all made up?

Would or could you recommend a dating site, that has real women that are looking for a real man who is looking for a real relationship?

I read (and copied) an article that there are about 100:1 ratio of 100 submissive guys to 1 FemDom womsn? That seems about almost right, if you ask me, it’s 1000:1 ratio..

But anyway I figure I would ask?



QUEENIEDear Brandon,

I completely understand your frustration. You want to serve and submit but you are finding that the women you meet are encountering online are asking for things that do not make you feel loved.

You want love. You want a commitment. You want someone who does not NEED you but appreciates your service. You want someone to cherish. You want someone to be devoted to. Like everything that has value in life it takes time.

If you really want a loving Female Led Relationship, I think it would be best to date vanilla for a while. I say this because women who are already exposed to FLRs already have in mind the idea of submission and service and they are looking to fill these requirements before they consider loving you.

This is a tough situation that I try to teach women not to fall into but it is tough because they want to be sure that the man they are with is really submissive and the only way to do that is to set standards and ask for service to see if the man will comply before they get their hearts into it.

What are you really looking for? You have already encountered women who value money and women who value total authority. Those were not good enough for you. They were trying to lead you their way, but you did not want to go. Do you really want to be led, or do you want your own fantasy fulfilled?

I suggest that you date in the vanilla world because every one of these relationships can become Female Led, if you decide to follow her lead. The only thing that would be missing or may take some time to cultivate would be her offering your kinks. If you are truly more interested in being loved, a vanilla relationship is your best bet.

You can find a woman to love and allow her to lead the relationship, if she can. You can allow her to lead by offering her the authority to make decisions and keep her happiness at the forefront, just like any loving FLR. The only problem is, if you have kinks that you are not willing to let go of, she may not be interested in offering them to you because she does not understand them at first.

A Female Led Relationship is just that, a relationship where you follow the lead of your partner. If your partner is a natural at leading then she should have no problem leading you. If she is not a natural at leading you can invite her to participate in our FLR Training for women, you can break up with her or you can sit back and live in misery.

If she wants to have a normal relationship by society’s standards, allowing her to have that and supporting her in that is indeed still a Female Led Relationship. There is nothing wrong with that.

You can join our Conquer Community for Female Led Relationships. This site allows you to create profiles, browse members and share posts and updates about your life. It is relatively new but it is growing each day!

I recommend that you find a woman whose lifestyle you want to be a part of without labeling it an FLR. When you do this, you will naturally be involved in an FLR but it may be noticeably without kink.

How do you place an ad that does not sound needy? Well, I would answer an ad that read:

I am looking for an amazing woman to share my life with. I want someone who knows what she wants from life and is not afraid to wait for it. I am not a hunk by society’s standards, but I am loveable, devoted and supportive. If there is a real woman who wants a real man to be her backbone and help her to grow in life, I am the person you are looking for. I treat women like Goddesses because that is what they deserve. I believe that this type of love is valuable and I am honored to offer it to a woman who appreciates it. 

You are going to hit a few snags now and then. You are going to miss the mark. But keep in mind that the type of love you want may not come in the package that you want.

I am a loving dominant woman, however, many submissive men have this fantasy of serving a woman by kissing their feet and being led around with the threat of punishment. I do not value those things, what I need is a submissive man who is smart and serves by helping me to grow my businesses. The average submissive man may not understand this because in their mind, the way to a dominant woman’s heart if by behaving as if they are inferior and being willing to sleep on the floor.

That is not the case with every dominant woman. A dominant woman has a vision for her life and would be interested in a man who would be beneficial to helping her to achieve it.

Look for a woman who values the skills you bring to the table. If it is cooking, cleaning and household chores then wait for a woman who really appreciates that. Whatever your skills are, volunteer in that capacity at a community center, school or social club. There you will meet many women who would appreciate a man with your skills. You can choose from among those women who express sincere appreciation for what you have to offer and you can offer her a FLR.

I know this is a tough road, but do not give up or settle. Just be flexible with what you perceive as a FLR and be open to giving what the dominant woman needs to make her life easier, for as long as it brings you joy to do so.





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3 Responses to “Dear Queenie: How Can I Find A Loving Dominant Woman?

  • Hello, submissive brandon,

    I am a near-life long L/lifestyle Domina and disagree with Queenie’s suggestion that you should seek out only vanilla women, in only the vanilla world with whom to get to know and attempt to work toward your next (hopefully last) but very loving FLR.

    There are plenty of women, such as Myself, who are authentic L/lifestyle Dominas who have a very difficult time locating authentic L/lifestyle submissives who are very self-aware, loving, attentive, kind, with many skills and are experienced with FLRs.

    Yes, there is a website to locate Us, search via your choice of search engine, ‘FLR’ is in the URL. 🙂

    Those ratios are completely off the mark.
    I would propose that in conservative regions there are 20 authentic, loving, experienced L/lifestyle Dominas with advanced relationship skills to one (1) authentic, loving, experienced L/lifestyle submissive man, with advanced relationship skills.

    Best wishes! Please don’t give up, We aren’t doing so!

  • Hello Queenie,
    I thought your resonse to Brandon’s post was very informative and useful. I myself want a FLR but do not want to be just a doormatt. LOVE IN RETURN is what I seek. And for this I will be the submisive she seeks. And if she thought there were areas I could improve, i’d work twice as hard. I want and need to love and worship. her, just love me back.

  • yes Queenie, i want to know, these fetishes that You speak of, what if that is important to the submissive male? how can You say it’s a FLR if it’s just a vanilla relationship where the sub male has to continue to pretend and live, more or less, a vanilla life?

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