Dear Queenie,

I have taken to the idea of a Female Led Relationship but I can’t seem to get my husband on board. My husband doesn’t want a FLR. He is comfortable with me doing the majority of the housework and caring for him like I have been for the past 13 years. I don’t know how to change him and I don’t think I should have to beg. What do I do now?

Shannon

♦♦♦

Dear Shannon,

This is a tough situation to be in but there is a way you can make this work. First, you have to understand that your husband married you because he loves you and because of how well you treated him. I try to get the men to understand that a rejection of the concept of a FLR isn’t a rejection of who they are, it’s a rejection of not understanding the basic premise of this relationship style. It may be that you are presenting it in a way that makes him feel he won’t benefit from it.

When men present the FLR to women they tend to tell women a list of new things they must do. If he is comfortable in his current duties as a husband and partner, why would he want to disrupt that? When you told your husband about FLRs did you give him a list of things so that he feels this new relationship style is a burden? That is how some women feel when presented with the concept of a FLR and it turns them off. Life is dramatic enough without all new responsibilities.

In order to turn things around it would be best that you explain to him that you want a relationship that is more concrete. Suggest that you talk over the different areas of your relationship that cause the most conflict so that you both can have a firm understanding of what you expect from each other and what makes both of you happy.

Make a list of things you love about him, things that he does actively to make you feel special and happy in the relationship. Tell him that you love those things and to keep doing them because it makes you want to (Insert his kink). Make another list of things you feel he should improve or start doing so that your household runs more smoothly. For example, tell him that you do not like it when he goes out drinking with his friends and you would prefer if he did not do that often.  Be specific. Tell him that you won’t mind if he does it once a month. If he respects your happiness and peace of mind he will listen to you. If he is used to doing whatever the hell he wants regardless of your opinion then that makes things a bit tougher.

In this case you will need to demonstrate that you will not accept poor behavior from him. This is where the FLR will fall apart if you do not do it correctly. If he demonstrates one of the things on your list of unacceptable things you can not give in and just accept it. You must offer some sort of correction or restriction that will let him know that he has displeased you. If you do not do this, he will not respect you. You can not have a FLR without respect.

When you set standards and offer repercussions or restrictions then you have established a FLR. You don’t have to call it a Female Led Relationship at all, but in your heart you will know it is. The beautiful part of a FLR is the man is willing to choose to place your happiness first. If he does not, you can not have a Loving FLR.

If you want more personal coaching on this matter with more options for structuring a reluctant FLR and helping to build your confidence, sign up for our FLR Coaching For Women. The next course begins soon and you will receive personal attention to your issue, practice exercises and challenges so that you can learn the proper mentality behind creating a Loving FLR with a man who doesn’t quite accept the idea of it. I will teach you how to present the idea to him so that he will be more understanding and I can even speak to him on your behalf privately if he is willing to listen.

Read more about our FLR Coaching Program for Women and register today so that you can receive the support you need. I look forward to hearing from you.

Queenie

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