Dear Queenie: My Wife Is Submissive To Other Men
Dear Queenie,
I have a great wife, but she has taken to being with other men. Do we still have a FLR if she is submissive to other men?
Jet
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Dear Jet,
What an interesting question. I can completely understand your confusion. You imagined having an independent and strong woman who does not place anyone’s needs before her own. You have found this woman who is capable of leading your relationship with love and you enjoy it. As you stated, part of her leadership entails her desire to be with other men, which you have accepted supportively since it makes her happy. But, you have also noticed that when she engages with these men, she is not the leader. She dotes on them, caters to them and enjoys being submissive to them. Maybe you think she is playing a game with you.
I don’t think she is.
First, allow me to explain that just like you may have kinky fetishes and personality nuances she may have these as well. It may be that occasionally being submissive is a turn on for her and there is nothing wrong with that.
After interviewing dozens of dominant women during our Survey for Dominant Women, I realized that the majority of women use their dominant personalities when it benefits them. No woman is one way all of the time. Nearly all of the women admit to being dominant when it was necessary and being able to allow others to lead when it is beneficial.
It may be necessary to be dominant in a relationship with you because she is a better leader and she loves you. With these men, she may not have to be dominant because they do not need a leader and she may have no interest in investing that much effort into leading them holistically.
Leading a relationship takes courage and it is a big investment. She may be submissive to their trivial requests but will she allow them to lead her away from you and her responsibilities to your family completely?
If you are worried about this scenario, simply sit her down and talk to her about it. Tell her your fears and discuss her feelings about the men she is engaging with. Tell her that you support her happiness and you understand that taking on new lovers makes her happy.
If she assures you that she loves you and wants to be with you, believe her.
Yes, you have a Female Led Relationship if you have a wife who leads your relationship, even if she switches roles when she is with other partners. After all, she is ultimately doing exactly what she wants which is the essence of a successful Female Led Relationship.
Queenie
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Ma’am,
You simplified your response in understandable language. Thank you.
i don’t think that Jet has admitted that his Wife is living the FLR way with him. he has only said that he has a great Wife. that could mean anything, not necessarily Female Led Relationship. maybe his wife is really submissive and does not want to be leading their relationship. i think Jet should first find out as to what his Wife really wants. only then would it be clear whether she is leading or following.
You are correct. I had the same hesitations yet, we must remember that leading the relationship means she is placing her happiness first and he is supporting that in every way that he can. As long as she believes she is “Great” then he is happy and hopefully she is too.
He may have the idea of what a woman in a FLR is like. Maybe his vision is mistaken for a mistress or dominatrix. Many men do this. A woman in a Loving FLR is a woman with the freedom to be exactly who she is and to have the relationship she wants without asking permission or fighting for things to go her way. Seems to me like she is having it her way.