Feeling Overwhelmed by Your FLR
During Conquer Him Academy’s Female Led Relationship training course, women report being overwhelmed by the concept of a FLR. They say they feel pressured to conform to the ideals that their submissive partners present and it causes them to slack off in disappointment.
One student reported that her husband consistently requested that she dress in leather and participate in S&M. She did not mind doing it, but she did not actually LIKE doing it. She felt that coming up with tasks and protocols was too much for her, but she loved her husband dearly and wanted to be able to give him the lifestyle he had been craving for many years.
The secret to not feeling overwhelmed by a Female Led Relationship is quite simple. Design your FLR the way you want it to be.
When you are constructing the type of FLR you want, there are many ways to do it. During the course you will learn the 4 types of Authority styles to choose from and the 7 different types of dominant women. When you learn which style suits you best, you can go to your submissive partner and discuss them with him. As a submissive partner, he should immediately understand your expectations better and follow suit.
After your expectations are realigned, the rest of the FLR is not about catering to his fantasies at all. Your FLR is about creating a lifestyle that benefits you.
Think about your dream life, the way you want your household to run. Think about what you want to experience as soon as you get home from work. Think about how you would like to be treated when you are out socially. All you have to do is express your expectations to your partner and as a submissive partner, his job is to make sure those experiences come true!
Do you want to be greeted by your partner at the front door wearing nothing but a towel, holding a glass of wine? Would you like him to remove your shoes and give you a foot rub as he asks about your day? All of this is attainable. All of this is within your reach.
A FLR is never about catering to your submissive partner’s fantasies. His kinks and desires are a reward for good performance and support. If he wants leather and whips and chains, he had better be excellent at giving you the lifestyle you asked him for or he will not get what he wants.
If you find yourself feeling inadequate during your FLR, something is terribly wrong.
Either you have a submissive partner who is unethically topping from the bottom, which means requiring you to meet his demands or he will not comply or you are considering his needs before your own. Never consider the submissive partner’s needs before your own. He wants you to be selfish and be a Goddess. He wants to put you first and he needs you to put YOURSELF first too.
Learn how to put yourself first in our 4 week Female Led Relationship training program.
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I humbly disagree with this article. A FLR is about the satisfaction of BOTH parties! I being on the submissive side of things now only worship and adore my wife like she is a goddess and do want to treat her as such and make her happy, I also have needs and wants in my life that need to be fullfilled. I DO want direction on what makes her the happiest. I DO want her telling me what to do and following up on her demands and if they are not to her approval holding me accountable for them in some way of punishment. As far as the bdsm stuff, yes we both enjoy that together at times but it is a very small part of the relationship. A FLR in my opinion is a two way street. As long as the subs needs are met the women’s needs are met and vice versa. Again, yes I want to serve my lady as a goddess and make her happy in every way and follow her rules and demands but I also WANT and DESIRE that control from her on a consistent basis! Often times in reading these articles in a lot of ways it tends to make the women sound like selfish domineering women who could care about their partners needs and only want a door mat around to use and only take without giving. I read a quote that I believe to be 100% true! If the sub/slave is NOT getting his needs met you will lose him or her. I understand there are different levels in these types of relationships but they are ALSO about the subs needs to! Anyone who would be in a FLR, Domme/sub relationship however you like to state it and the sub/slave on whatever level you are is not getting their needs met are either very unhappy and afraid to end it for some reason or they are a door mat. In any type of dominant/submissive relationship both parties have wants , needs, and desires and if both sides are not met it cannot be a succesful relationship on any level!!
Hi Mark. This is ConquerHim (With Love). If you read our ABOUT PAGE you will see that it BOTH parties needs are important, however, I do not want any Goddesses to feel they have to worry themselves sick trying to meet the kinks of their submissive partners. Kinks are a reward for awesome service and companionship, given out of LOVE and APPRECIATION. The submissive man can not DEMAND his kinks be met. She should be delighted to offer his kinks if he has met her standards. The women I coach know this and know that this type of reciprocity is the basis of the beauty of FLR. I do not encourage complete selfishness, but a Goddess must know what she wants and set a standard for the submissive man to meet. When he pleases her, she pleases him. That is the exchange.
I totally agree with Conquerhim. Since you wanted a FLR you should adapt to her way. Isnt this what it is about? Different women, different needs, different personalities. Maybe she prefers to wash the dishes but you’re thinking “I’m the sub, I have to do it”. Maybe she wants you to be aggressive when you have sex. I’d also prefer if she was aggressive towards me, but her wants/needs come first. Men who decide to move into a FLR should already know this. A few men understand what a FLR is.
In the end discuss it with her but remember to respect her decisions.