Female Domination Is Not Leadership
I find that many men and women mistake female domination for leadership in a Female Led Relationship. Although it may feel like the woman is leading when she behaves in a dominant manner, it is not true leadership.
Domination happens when the woman exerts her control over the man, choosing his clothes, making decisions for him and even being aggressive in the bedroom. In my opinion, domination is kink. It is a woman’s way to make herself feel powerful or at the man’s request, it makes him feel subjugated which he enjoys.
True leadership is more than that. True leadership in a Female Led Relationship is about setting the vision for the relationship and family progress and guiding the way toward its completion.
If there are important, life altering decisions that need to be made, the person who offers the suggestion is leading the decision. If the man is offering the choices, the woman can always say NO and she may feel empowered by her option to reject or accept. But, in the end, if she is not creating the choices, he is leading the relationship because he is offering the groundwork for the decisions. The person who offers the choices for the decisions is leading the relationship.
Even though many people would not agree that offering choices is being dominant, if I suggest pecan pie or apple crumb cake for dinner because I like those two desserts, the person who chooses from my choices will choose from MY desires. I am leading the person to choose one of my desires. If a man is offering the choices, he is leading and he should not be doing that often in a Female Led Relationship. The woman should initiate the direction of the relationship.
A person who does not offer a choice but simply states their request is not being dominant, that is simply leading the relationship.
From the dozens of women in FLRs I have interviewed, many of them have women who set the tone for the relationship and that is the essence of FLR. Will she be dominant in the bedroom? If it pleases her. Will she allow him to make certain decisions on his own? If it makes her happy. Will she require him to check in at certain times of the day? If she wants.
Can a woman who enjoys catering to her partner, cooking for him, shopping for him and giving him back rubs be considered a leader in a FLR? Of course. Can a Female Led Relationship exist without the woman sexually dominating the man? Absolutely.
Female Led Relationships are about honoring the woman’s choices. FLR is about the woman initiating or setting the groundwork for the interactions within the relationship.
What does she want the relationship to be like? How can a man help support her dreams and goals for the relationship?
These are the questions a couple who desires a Female Led Relationship should ask themselves. Just because she does not want to be outwardly aggressive or controlling in all aspects of the relationship, does not mean she is not leading it.
A woman who has the ability to lead has a much more important responsibility to the relationship than simply being demanding or sexually aggressive. She has the responsibility to create a vision for her family, express it and support its execution. Even when she asks for his opinion, she is leading when she initiates the conversation about the decision.
Female domination practices can be a part of leading a relationship, but they are not the defining factor.