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FemDom: Why Every Woman Should Dominate Her Relationship

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Female supremacy.

Sounds like a scary term for radical feminists who hate men. Nothing could be further from the truth according to Elise Sutton, the often debated and elusive firecracker of the BDSM world who teaches couples how to actively engage in a dynamic she calls- Female Led Relationships.

What is a female led relationship? It is a romantic relationship where both parties are NOT equal and men willingly admit their inferiority and defer to the woman’s will. They both enjoy this dynamic as she uses her intellect and feminine power to lead the relationship toward success. The woman should dominate her relationship if it is to become a relationship of pleasure and progress.

Elise Sutton offered me the opportunity to learn more about the unique relationship model she presents in her website Female Superiority.Com.  ~ Te-Erika

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Do you believe all women have a dominant side to their personalities?

I view dominance, when it comes to relationships, as more of a mindset and an attitude than a personality trait. We are what we think we are. I know a lot of women that are quiet, reserved and rather laid-back who are the dominant partner in their marriage. So to me, dominance has nothing to do with temperament but it has everything to do with attitude. Therefore, I believe that any woman can assume the dominant role in her marriage or any personal relationship. And furthermore, I believe women should be the dominant partner within male/female relationships. Why? Because women are best equipped biologically and intellectually to be the head of the household.

Over the centuries, society has mistaken the softness and the gentleness of women for weakness and submission. Likewise, society has mistaken the aggressiveness and the macho ways of men for strength. But by in large, men are only stronger physically. Women possess the real strength, which is intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. Unfortunately, most women do not realize this due to being programmed by patriarchal institutions that teach women are the weaker sex. However, we live in a day where knowledge abounds and studies have shown that women are in fact biologically and intellectually superior to men.

In my book, “Female Domination” I devote an entire chapter to the superiority of women. I cite academic research that demonstrates women are intellectually superior to men. For example, The Scientific Assembly and Annual Meeting of the Radiological Society of North America did a study that showed that while the male brain is, on average, approximately ten percent larger than the female brain, women actually have a larger corpus callosum, 55.4 percent vs. 50.8 in men.

Men listen with only one side of their brains, while women use both. Thus women do better in memory tests and women have better language and communication skills. Women have excelled in the college classroom thus almost 60% of all college degrees have been earned by women over the past decade.

Biologically, women have better senses (smell, touch, taste, and sight). Women tolerate pain the best. Pound for pound, women are in fact stronger thus men are physically stronger only because of their overall size advantage. Women have greater flexibility and endurance. Women, as a rule, eat healthier. Girls mature faster than boys. Women are less susceptible to most diseases and women live longer. The research is clear, men and women are not equal and women are not the weaker sex.

I was out in front of this going back to the 1980’s when I first discussed how society is slowly and methodically evolving from male dominance to female dominance, and it is very satisfying to see so many today reaching a similar conclusion. I have in my private collection over 500 articles written in the past ten years that talk about the superiority of women and how it’s becoming a woman’s world. Articles with such titles as: “The End of Men” (Atlantic Weekly), “It’s a Woman’s World, the phasing out of men” (National Review), and “The incredible shrinking Y (chromosome)” (New York Times).

Women have become the main decision makers within marriages as more and more women are in charge of the checkbooks and the bank accounts. Women are becoming the main breadwinners in many families, and even in families where the husband has a higher income it is the wife who makes the financial decision.

I also believe women are sexually dominant by nature. Again, when I say “dominant” I do not necessarily mean aggressive. While more women are choosing to be more sexually aggressive with their male partners, some dominant women prefer to be sexually passive in bed with a man. Be that as it may, the woman who understands how males and females are sexually designed will be able to take control in the bedroom using her natural feminine power.

Men are often led by their lower heads and the smart woman is the woman who learns how to utilize the male sex drive to her advantage. Too many women become victims of the male sex drive instead of taking control of it via the power Nature has bestowed on the female gender. And then there is also the biology of the female orgasm vs. the male orgasm, which is a fascinating study itself. I often tease my husband that sex was designed for the woman’s pleasure, not the man’s pleasure, and the male orgasm can never measure up to the intensity and pleasure of a woman’s orgasm(s) once she comes into her sexual prime.

So all of these reasons are why the female should be the dominant partner. It really doesn’t equate to aggressiveness, although the University of Michigan recently did a study that showed that estrogen is more of a power fuel than testosterone.

Why is it beneficial for women to recognize these traits?

I believe a female-led relationship makes for a happy relationship. Too many people strive for a 50/50 relationship and then wonder why life is so stressful. A 50/50 relationship sounds good in theory, after all we should all strive for equality. But 50/50 means there is no decision maker and everything must be negotiated. That doesn’t work because at the end of day, someone must yield their opinion and their wants to the other person’s opinion and wants. There must be a hierarchy in any structure, be it a corporation, a business, the military, the government, the Church, you name it, there always has to be authority, else there is chaos.

The female contains the attributes best fitted to be in authority within a marriage or a male/
female relationship. Women are the gender with the womb, the child-bearers, the life-givers, thus the nurturers and the gender best able to see the big picture and make decisions for the collective good. Women are by nature more kind-hearted. Combine this with the biological and intellectual strengths of the female gender, and it is foolish for any woman to surrender control of her life over to a man. 50/50 is better than male dominance but female dominance is best of all as it is able to bring harmony to a relationship.

Why would a man want to be a part of a female led relationship?

In many ways, men are further along in their desire to be dominated by women than women are in their desire to be the dominant gender. However, this common male desire usually has its incubation in the sexual realm. I remember a survey from the 1990’s where the number one male sexual fantasy was the fantasy to be sexually dominated by a woman. And this common male desire correlates with the explosion of the profession of the Dominatrix that we saw in the 1990’s and 2000’s. Men could not get their female partners to dominate them sexually, so they sought out the professional Dominatrix. Back in 2005 I did research using nothing but the Internet and I recorded over 10,000 women who had websites advertising their services for professional domination. Think about that? And it all wasn’t just about sex. Many Dominatrices offered physical domination, domestic domination, forced feminization, financial domination, sexual domination, humiliation, and other forms of controlling a paying male client.

Why do so many men want to be dominated by women? As I wrote in my book, “Female Domination”, based on my years of study, observation and participation, I have learned that there are sexual and social reasons why men have submissive desires toward women. I have discovered that a man’s core nature expresses itself first in the sexual realm through different sexual desires. To the novice, a man that desires to be on the bottom during intercourse is normal but a man who desires to be spanked or whipped by a woman is perverted. However, I have come to understand that both of these fore mentioned desires stem from the same core desire. It may be expressed differently but it is the same deep-rooted motivation. And what is that motivation?

The common thread to all these sexual and submissive desires is the longing for loving female authority. To me, that is the true definition of Female Domination. Female Domination is Loving Female Authority. That is what most men are seeking from the female gender. All of these specific fetishes or desires are the outward expressions of a man’s need and hunger for loving female authority.

There is a natural born desire within most men that causes them to desire to be dominated by a woman. I believe that males are born with this desire and I also believe that this desire is enhanced through a male’s childhood experiences with his female authority figures. A male is carried in the womb of a woman, he is birthed into this world by a woman, he is nurtured at the breasts of a woman, he is disciplined by the loving hands of a woman, and he is loved and comforted by a woman. The male gender learns early on that there is something special, almost magical, about the female gender. She is different than he is. She is lovely, beautiful, caring, and nurturing. In some men, this revelation only gets stronger as he matures. He realizes that being under the loving authority of a woman is what gives his life a peaceful and meaningful existence.

After puberty, the testosterone takes over and boys will be boys, thus aggression, violence and the primitive hunting instinct is prevalent. However, there is always the female, the mysterious female that calls out to males for civility, community and family. Men have tried to rule but for a lot of them it is a most frustrating proposition. The inner male nature longs to be back under female authority, and I believe that is what drives the desire for female domination within so many of them.

How can a woman learn to become more dominant in her life?

Women are romantics at heart and most women contemplate love and romance from the time they enter adolescence. The patriarchal system has preyed upon and manipulated the female desire for romance by equating romance with marriage and equating marriage with male dominance and female submission. This family model became the societal model because of a flawed logic which reasons that since the female is the nurturer and the male is the hunter, the woman’s place must surely be in the home.

Much like a person who does not exercise a limb on their body, the inner dominance of the female went limp from a lack of exertion and application. For centuries women bought into a societal model that sounded good on the surface but was flawed because the female possessed the inner nature that was designed to be in charge. Nature would not implant the responsibility of the guarantors of life with the weaker sex. The hunters are not superior but rather they work for the guarantors. Brawn can bully and intimidate but brawn works for brains. Being the protector, the hunter, and the helpmate is a critical and vital role but only as it works in harmony with the life-giver, the guarantor, the nurturer, and the one in authority, which is the female.

Nature is patient and Nature evolves as it corrects errors and strives for perfection. Society is evolving and the male desire for loving female authority cannot be ignored or overcome. Now the submissive nature of man is seducing and unleashing the previously dormant dominant nature of woman. I believe the Genie is now out of her bottle, the flood gates have been opened and there will be no turning back.

However, we live in a transition time and the woman who desires love and romance and who was reared with the values of the patriarchal system will have a tough time understanding and comprehending the concept of female domination. That is why it is important for the man who is driven by his submissive nature to slowly seduce the woman’s dominant nature by demonstrating the natural application of female domination through appealing to her need for love and romance. After all, submission is really about servitude and worship, and servitude and worship, when broken down, are about intimacy, adoration and romance.

So to answer your question, I would recommend the following tips if a woman wants to unleash her dominance and attract a man that is open to a female led relationship:

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1) Self-image

A woman should begin to view herself as the dominant and superior female that she is. This means that a woman should never settle for any man that does not treat her like a Queen. Expect a man to worship you and revere you. Do not settle for macho males who think they are God’s gift to women. Seek out a man who wants to support you in your life goals, who is open to doing housework and chores for you and who realizes he is blessed to be in a relationship with you. He doesn’t have to be a soft male or a feminine male (unless that is what you want) but he must have that submissive heart.

There are more men out there that want to be submissive to women than you can imagine. Most do not express it publicly out of fear of being harassed by other men. But deep inside, they are attracted to bold, confident women who walk with a dominant demeanor. And how do you get that demeanor? It comes back to your attitude. Believe you are a dominant woman worthy of male submission and you will become a dominant woman. And how does one develop such a belief? You will become in life the books your read and the people you associate with. I had to learn this. I had to cut myself off from people who tore me down. And I had to be mindful of the kinds of books I read (and television shows that I watched). I read books that increase my self-image. Like right now, I am reading Suzanne Somers’ “The Sexy Years”. I am always trying to better myself.

2) Unleash your female sexual power

I know some feminists hate this advice but I really believe in it and it has done wonders for me and a lot of women I have counseled. How we look on the outside does reflect how we feel on the inside. Any woman of any age and any body type can radiate sexuality. In this day and age there are so many resources available to women. I am not a thin woman and I am no longer a young woman but when I go out, I dress and carry myself like the sexual woman I believe that I am. I have learned how to dress, which hair styles make me look younger, and which cosmetics work best for me. I eat right, I exercise and for a woman in my mid to late 50’s, I still like to believe I ooze dominance and sexuality. I love to wear leather clothing because a lot of submissive men have a real leather fetish. A pair of leather pants or a leather skirt can make me feel extra sexy and powerful. So I seek to dress sophisticated and sexy.

Remember the show “What not to wear”? I used to love that show because it would show any woman how she should dress to highlight her individual assets. I also sought out and found a salon where the women were knowledgeable and helpful. I wasn’t afraid to ask for advice when it came to my hair and cosmetics. I only use natural products but there are so many options out there. And as much as I love to eat, I became knowledgeable on that as well. I eat right and exercise because it makes me feel better about myself, and when I feel good about myself, I walk in that and others can sense it. I am bold and dominant as a woman and how I look on the outside lets the world know how I feel on the inside. My attitude attracts men who want to submit to me.

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3) Be willing to experiment with Dominance & Submission in the bedroom with your partner

One of the good things to come out of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” craze is that it introduced a lot of women to BDSM (or I prefer to call it D&S). I desire to be the dominant sex partner so I didn’t care for the book (I like to read erotica where women sexually dominate men).

However, the book did open women up to the concept of what some might call ‘kinky sex’. This is good because one reason so many relationships fail due to infidelity is because regular sex becomes boring after a while. People need new and exciting but you don’t necessarily need ‘someone’ new if you are willing to try ‘something’ new. I get lots of letters from couples who tell me that my books saved their marriage because they began to incorporate FemDom in the bedroom and sex became fresh and exciting again. My husband and I have practicing FemDom in the bedroom for decades. Yes, I actually wear fetish clothing (leather, boots, corsets, etc.) and I have paddles and whips and a strap-on harness and other ‘toys’. I discipline my husband and he worships my body and sex is never mundane or boring, even after all of these years.

However, what is great about D&S is that it is a wonderful way for a woman to explore and exert her dominance. As I mentioned, a lot of men discover their submissive desire initially via their sexuality. Being sexually dominated by a woman is still the number one fantasy of a lot of men. But what I have done is take what we do in the bedroom to enhance our lifestyle outside the bedroom. We have a discipline night where I might spank my husband but while I dominate him sexually I will also assign him his chores that I expect him to do over the course of the next week. It becomes a win/win scenario. He gets to be dominated in the bedroom and I get to reinforce my dominance outside the bedroom. Not to mention that I love what we do in the bedroom as much as he does, if not more, because our motto is “sex is for the woman’s pleasure”. Sex has become all about my pleasure and a man who learns how to focus on a woman’s pleasure is a man you always want to have around. So experimentation and D&S in the bedroom can be a very healthy and intimate practice.

My books “Female Domination” and “The FemDom Experience” give some wonderful suggestions in this area. Each couple is different which is why I cover a large gambit of sexual practices and activities in my books, some a little more wild than others, but again, each couple is different and must choose that which fits their own unique relationship and lifestyle. Above all, have fun with it.

Elise Sutton
Author
“Female Domination: An Exploration of the male desire for loving female authority”
“The FemDom Experience”
“Searching for Wanda”
www.elisesutton.com

 

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10 Responses to “FemDom: Why Every Woman Should Dominate Her Relationship

  • I can agree with or at least be open to all of the concepts postulated in this article with the exception of one factor: the use of the term “boys will be boys.”
    This is an ignorant, insensitive and dangerous statement that implies that men are unable to control their “primitive instincts.” The use of it, especially withing the context of it’s respective paragraph eliminates the responsibility of the male offender In his actions. You cannot imply that it is natural or acceptable and still consider yourself a strong female role model. The attitude that it is ever allowable, whether or not it is understandable, is one that will continue to perpetuate rape culture. Accepting that kind of male dominance as a fact of life will only keep women from attaining equality, never mind dominance. Furthermore, accepting a mans inability to be our emotional equal will also only stagnate our societal views and development. If we are to achieve equality between the sexes we must hold men to a higher standard: ourselves. They are just as capable of attaining the same level of emotional awareness, they just have to work harder. Just as we as women are capable of superior physical strength if we put in the effort. We may all be born with inherent gifts and shortcomings, but what decides who a person becomes and their aptitudes is the influences in their lives ; I.e. what parts of their mind and ego were nurtured or neglected by parents, family, friends, mentors, the media, and overall society.

  • Awesome interview. Appreciate all your work…

  • As a submissive male, I find the idea of a female led relationship to be ideal. I love a strong, smart, confident, and dominant woman. However, one frustration I have is that books, and sites that promote this type of relationship seem to feel the need to be disrespectful to men. All these cherry picked statistics on how women are smarter, better, etc. Why can’t I be respected and loved as a submissive male, and accept my role in that regard without being told it’s because I’m inferior and stupid. I’m able to submit and be dominated without being told those things. Any woman I submit fully to would be a woman I fully trust and respect, and I’d hope she loves, trusts, and respects me in return. Viewing me as some inferior human unworthy of equal respect is the one turn-off to me regarding FLR.

    • I understand Dave. Conquer Him does not teach women that they are superior to men. I find that those who need to feel superior are lacking in self awareness and appreciation. People are valuable to each other and their will be no FLR without the man so they are JUST as important as the women. I believe you will find the love you desire. You do deserve equal respect.

      • No but as the article title suggests, you DO believe that every “woman” should be in charge so where’s the difference? MLR’s are, D/s related or not far more numerous in any Western society because, like it or not, most women are not screwed up inside like you and have no desire to live your kind of way. Just because you’ve caught something bad, why must you go around breathing on everyone else? And there would be no relationships on these lines without the sexual side of it either, something else you find impossible to admit. You try to distance it from any and all kinds of sexual activity, yet bang on endlessly about chastity and/or orgasm denial. Why the need for either if its not sexual in nature. Get a grip and accept that most men and women are not the slightest bit interested in the life you propose; why the need for such articles if that were the case (not to mention sites like this) Seen how many female bondage/submission/servitude websites there are out there? Not to mention how it was women who made FSOG the phenomena it is and what is that if not Mae Led D/s? Although you probably regard MLR’s as no better than abuse as the over all attitude to us in this day and age seems to teach that everything we do/think/say is wrong so naturally, Male Led D/s is just another form of Male abuse irrespective of how much the (real) woman consents to and desires it.

  • What a crock, and an insult to all who have suffered because of someone else’s ‘superiority’ and to those who have fought against the bankrupt notion that some arbitrary characteristic makes one group supreme over another.

  • How would this work in regards to same sex relationships?

  • Your article is fascinating and informative, however I must point out an error in your thinking: A 50/50 Marriage proposition is doomed to fail. It takes 100% of BOTH people to make a marriage work. THAT’s how a healthy marriage is sustained. When one is weak the other is still at 100% and vice versa. When both are at 50% only half their efforts are invested in the marriage. The female-led marriage is no different, just a transfer of power in certain aspects in the pursuit of pleasure for the man.

  • I agree with everything in this article. I have been slowly encouraging my wife to display more of her dominant traits and I have been displaying more of my submissive traits and our 27 year marriage has been revitalized. I have been encouraging her to understand that sex on her terms for her pleasure is best for both of us. I have agreed to reduce my orgasms to once a month (it was my idea) so that I can focus on her satisfaction better. Now that I am not chasing my orgasm but focusing on her, our sex life has improved dramatically. We’ve fallen in love all over again. Thank you, keep spreading the word!

  • Hello!
    I agree with all that is written. There is a role reversal in our marriage. My wife hold a very powerful job and earns very well. I stay at home and am a fulltime house husband. I have also changed my surname to my wife’s. We never really have any arguments at all as I obey her completely. In this relationship she is my total superior in intellectual, sexual, financial powers and even in physical strength. Our relationship is very peaceful and I accept my role and inferiority in the marriage of course! Do you also have other literature or articles on how I can improve further?

    David

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