How Can I Make My Wife Become More Dominant?
Dear Queenie,
My question is, can a woman who loves my submission and chores I do for her, become a little more dominant? I love my wife and love doing things for her but find it extremely hard to keep up the chores etc if there is no guidance or retribution for what she sees as bad behavior on my part? I have gave her books in the past on female led relationships and femdom but she does not seem interested.
♦♦♦
Dear Colin,
When you say you want a Loving FLR you are saying that you want your wife’s desires to be placed above everything else. If you have requested that your wife interact with you in a certain way and she has dismissed your request it means that your request is not a desire that she has. To pressure her about it only means that you are trying to lead the relationship. Is that what you really want? In order to make your wife become more dominant you have to dominate her.
You are actually asking for a femdom relationship where the focus is less on what the woman wants and more about meeting your need to be controlled and punished. MOST women don’t want to be with men that they have to punish. Pressuring her to service you by focusing more on your rewards and punishments indicates that you are not truly seeking a FLR. Plus, focusing on punishing you seems like more work for her.
If you want to offer her a spot in my FLR Coaching Program for Women I am willing to chat with her about the benefits of having a more involved FLR and how she can gain more dedicated service by indulging you in some of your kinks. I do understand the benefits for both of you but again, if she doesn’t want it, you should never try to press. The mere thought that your wife is happy and satisfied with your devotion to her should be satisfying enough.
Queenie
Great advice for us to not lead but to follow her. Sometimes we as men so lost in thought of desire Don t even realize how obvious we are by our action, comments and conversation. We must learn to be obedient to her.
I measure each action and thought with, am I interested in doing this in the interest of love toward my wife, or am I doing this for self serving reasons. I also require my wifes permission for anything that isn’t related to the betterment of the marriage, my wifes comfort, or maintenance on the cars and home. If I want to go out on my motorcycle, snowmobile, etc, then I need her permission. This reduces my “mistakes” and creates a much more harmonious reality for both of us.
You can’t make your wife anything. All you can do is be honest about yourself and how you feel. You like femdom, and I get it. As a natural submissive, I love femdom, too. But my wife doesn’t care for it, and doesn’t want to be in that role. That is HER decision. You might have to learn to be satisfied with not having those fantasies fulfilled. For myself, my wife picks my clothing, from the socks I wear to my underwear. Wearing the things she picks for me is a constant reminder that I belong to her, that I have surrendered completely to her authority, and that’s as much femdom as I need. Stop reading/watching porn and stop masturbating might also help. When I surrendered to her authority I told her all about my secret fantasies and porn and masturbation habits, and informed her that I was surrendering my sexuality to her also. I trust her to take loving care of my needs, but even if she doesn’t, that sort of fills my need for her authority too, doesn’t it? Trust in her wisdom. If she says she doesn’t want to feed your kink, maybe she’s right. Maybe that fetish isn’t as healthy or natural for you as you think.