How Has FLR Impacted Your Dating Life, Queenie?
A subscriber wrote in with a few very pointed questions about how my exposure to FLR has shaped my dating life. I thought they were great questions and would allow you more insight into the woman who is offering this wisdom you express that you appreciate so much.
Points to consider: I began writing Conquer Him (With Love) by using the pseudonym QUEENIE but I have switched to using my real name so that you will understand that there is nothing shameful about being associated with Female Led Relationships. I operate this site primarily as a business after studying different FLRs and offering information about them. I am a single Black woman living in Los Angeles.
Here are his questions:
Are you a leader or follower?
I can be both. In situations where I am not familiar I can follow someone else’s lead until I get a good grasp of what is happening. I have held many leadership positions in my life and find that people seek me for wisdom and guidance but I gain no satisfaction from having people follow my lead. I prefer to enjoy experiences alone rather than in a group. I do not enjoy group activities much because there is too much compromise and I would rather do things the way I want them to be done. When there is an important decision to be made that will impact my life I never seek anyone’s advice, I decide for myself.
When it comes to your past relationships, what was the dynamic of those relationships?
I have not had many long term relationships but the ones that happened I would say that I was easy going and nurturing to those men. I did not need to tell them what to do, they had their own goals and dreams and so did I. We were not focused on empowering me at all. I took care of myself. It was more like I was single but had someone who told me they loved me from time to time.
Why did they not work out?
I was attracted to men who I felt needed my love. I was a woman trying to be a rescuer because I knew my own power even then. This was a dangerous goal because men who need love do not know how to appreciate it when it is given since they don’t understand it. I do not feel that my concern and love was ever valued. These relationships ended because the men would move on. They wanted something other than the nurturing I was offering.
Knowing what you know now and your knowledge of FLR; would you go back and change a relationship that ended or maybe a relationship that never developed but had potential?
Oh no. My standards are completely different now. I have raised the bar for my own life and I am glad none of those relationships lingered. I have yet to meet a man that I was truly impressed by in this lifetime so I don’t feel like I am missing out.
What is different about your approach now compared to your approach pre-FLR? Or is everything the same?
FLR has impacted my life very much. Because of the men and women who have gone through my coaching program I have been exposed to a higher standard when it comes to loving and empowering women. When I meet men now I am not looking for submission but I am looking to see if this is a man who enjoys saying YES to me. Sadly, most men aren’t capable of saying YES and that is a dealbreaker for me.
Because I am self empowered I don’t believe I need it but sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like to be in a relationship like the couples I coach. Imagine how much more I could achieve with a wonderful man focused on empowering me.
When I meet men now I understand that it will not be long term because we do not share basic interests. I am hyper focused on business development to the point of obsession, I am not religious in any way, my world view is from the perspective of an employer while most people are champions for the average employee and I am fascinated by poly love. If I entertain anyone I know that it will be a brief affair based on sex and I do not expect anything more. It does make me sad sometimes that I never connect with anyone intellectually but honestly I am so much happier when I am enjoying my life alone than I ever am when I am seeing someone.
Would I demand an FLR? Every woman should have one but in my opinion if I have to demand it, it’s not right. I would never want to force a man to place my happiness as a priority especially since I am so good at making myself happy.
Thanks for reading and following along!