I Am The Support Spouse
I didn’t start off looking for a FLR but over the years I ended up in one. My wife just happened to have the traits that naturally led her to a FLR. I suppose I did too. I was more willing to submit to her will.
But specifically, the sacrifices I’ve had to learn are, she’s in charge. Her wishes goes. Financially, she is the breadwinner and she took over the finances. It’s hard to lead when your partner is making the money. I think that was the main realization that led me to understand, I was the support spouse.
The housework is mine to do. Most of the cooking too. The child rearing has fallen primarily on my shoulders.
Two other areas that come to mind are, how she demands certain behaviors from me. If she doesn’t get them, there is a lot of verbal correction. She has used it in public on occasion. It doesn’t bother her to show people that she is the boss. That also reinforces our roles to me.
Appearance wise, I realized that I had to take better care of how I look. She would often comment on how I looked like a bum, or my clothes made me look fat. I tended to wear baggy clothes for the sake of comfort. I didn’t always shave in the morning. Now I shave everyday.
I don’t wear unflattering clothes anymore. I started wearing my clothes with more coordination in mind. I also took advantage of the new fashion trend for men, to wear leggings, sports tights, whatever you want to call them. I always wear a shirt long enough, so as not to be distracting. More often than not, I tend to be the one in “tights”, while my wife wears jeans. We’ve been out in public this way. It’s a partial reminder to me of who is wearing the pants in the relationship. But I think it also signals to others that FLR are becoming the norm. That men can learn to be comfortable wearing the “tights” while women lead comfortably wearing the “pants.”
I know what you’re thinking. It’s a kink. It’s really not. It’ just so happens that leggings are comfortable. They’re available to men. Most choose not to wear them. I do. But it helps symbolize to me that I’m not the stereotypical leader of my relationship. To some judgmental others, they might think, well we know who wears the pants in that marriage. Well even if they thought that, they would be right. I don’t have to feel uncomfortable if my wife chooses to verbally correct me in public. I’m already showing that I wear the tights.
So there are some of the sacrifices I had to make. I prefer to think of them as adjustments from sterotypical gender roles. It’s just my role in a FLR. My wife comes first, and I am the support spouse.