I Dated Vanilla Men Once Or Twice
Vanilla is a term that means the opposite of kinky.
College Vanilla story:
My introduction to kink was actually brought about because i was having so much trouble dating in the vanilla world. I have always been a Dominant personality. I do not follow well, though I can comfortably share authority. In college, when I was living in the dorms and away from my parents for the first time, I was finally able to date without having a million questions asked all the time. I did, copiously. I would go out with a guy a few times and then for whatever reason, they would start to act like they owned me. They would expect me to check in when I got home from classes, they wanted to know about all the plans I made with people other than them, and I even had one think he could tell me not to go out somewhere with someone because he didn’t like them.
This, of course, meant that I was running through boyfriends like water. As soon as they started the possessive act, I was done. It just kept happening, over and over.
My neighbor thought that part of the problem was that I was dominant, and they were threatened by it. They felt the need to try and keep me from doing my thing, as overcompensation for feeling like they werent the ones in charge in our relationship in the beginning. These were the same guys that wanted or were used to girls swooning over them, and being ready and willing to do anything to keep their attention.
When I met submissive guys, and started enjoying their company, I realized something else. I liked acting like those vanilla boys had tried to act. I resented it from them because I wanted it, not because I wanted to be subjected to it. My sub boyfriend checked in when he got home from class or work, he asked permission to go out with friends and if I said I didn’t like someone he was going with, he didn’t go. The control they were trying to take from me was the control I wanted from my partners.
Vanilla #2 The Husband
The man I married first proposed to me the day after meeting me face to face. It was so over the top romantic that I never stopped to think that it was too fast to know if we were going to actually work out.
He knew from when we met that I was a dominant woman. He knew I had had submissives before, and while i knew he wasn’t into it, he was not opposed to me being involved online, just not in real life. i was fine with that, and I thought I loved him. Seemed like a perfect set up.
We dated long distance for almost 6 months, since he was in Cincinnati and I was in New York at the time. I would go out and see him for a week or so at a time every couple of months, and he came to see me a few times. i moved to be with him shortly after my Grandmother passed away, because i lived with her and couldn’t bear to live in the apartment after.
He said to me one time while we were living together but before we were married that he thought I would be a good submissive wife. I laughed, because I thought he was joking. It came not long after a conversation where he wanted to know what it was I did with online submissives that made me want to keep them around.
He wasnt joking. Shortly after we got married, he started assuming that I was going to be obedient, and defer to him for all things. He assumed that I was going to go to work, school (I was still taking classes at that point) and then come home and make dinner and clean the house. All he did was come home, play games and eat dinner. I was not supposed to question where he was going after work, as long as he told me he wouldnt be home in time for dinner.
He got the idea for what a “good” wife was from seeing how his father and mother interacted. His mom was a completely submissive to his father, and it made them both happy. My ex just didnt understand why I didn’t want a life like that, since that was what a marriage was “supposed to look like”. When I asked him how he thought I could want that, knowing that I was dominant all this time, his response was that he assumed I’d get over it when we got married. He thought once the ring was on, it would magically make me learn my place and take his shit.
We were married less than a year, and separated for the majority of it. We lived together as man and wife for about 3 months.