I Was Hoping His Interest in FLR Was Only A Phase
I was introduced to the concept of Female Led Relationships by my husband. I came to realize he has had a desire for FLR for quite some time but was not able to come right out and discuss it with me. He read lots of books and websites and would show me some of them that grabbed his attention. I read some of them but must be honest and say that the ideas presented to me did not appeal to me at all in the beginning. I realize now that I was filled with a lot of fear and had a very closed mind about the idea of women being the dominant partner. I knew of a few women on
Fetlife who were into it, but they were complete strangers and I couldn’t imagine having much in common with them at all.
I was hoping this interest of his which seemed to have turned into an obsession was only a phase and would go away at some point, even though that did not seem very likely to be the case. I had two problems: I did not understand what FLR was and was not, and I didn’t think it was anything “normal” people did. So I just kept pushing it away and wanting to know less and less about it.
What I was learning about FLR is that it was a lifestyle that involved turning myself into a FemDom and wearing latex clothing and stiletto heeled boots or the like. That was very scary because it just is not me. It probably is not most women. But I did have some experience with what a FemDom was like, because we dabbled on the edge of the BDSM community for a time and knew some FemDoms and heard them give seminar sessions at some BDSM events.
I have no desire to have anyone be my slave, and it really creeps me out to think about it. We have since stopped attending those events, but we do have a few friends who are really into it.
Eventually we found some websites that espoused less radical ideas that made more sense to me. We came across the Disciplinary Wives Club with Aunt Kay and watched one of the videos and decided it had some ideas that appealed to us. We saw a video which was an interview with an older couple who seemed much like us. So I began to feel very differently about relationships led by the wife.
At this time I do feel that I have what it takes to be the dominant partner. We both agree that I have am the better decision maker. I have started to take pride in my ability to lead. And as I look back at times when I tried to force him to make the decisions about things in the past, it did not work out that well, as he never felt comfortable deciding things. I have a good sense of what is good for the both of us, and I am coming to realize that there as many styles of relationships as there are people, so it is foolish to try to fit into a mold that is too traditional for our needs.
Also, another factor to be considered is that he has a strong feminine side that fits better in the role of following instead of leading. So it seems this would be a win-win situation for us. However, I have a lot to learn and much to do to build my confidence in leading. I am happy to be the chief decision maker, but at this point I do not feel comfortable being up on a pedestal. And I need more work erasing the idea that FLR is equated with FemDom, which really seems more about sexual fantasies than a 24/7 lifestyle.