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16 Responses to “Is Femdom Supported By Christianity?

  • *sigh* here we go again. Why are we trying to redefine a hyper-patriarchal, not to mention hyper-xenophobic, religion, as something good and Matriarchal? It doesn’t even matter what the religious book says…look at how chistians have acted for nearly 2,000 years; do you really want to associate yourself with such a group? Why not try to start a new faith based on one of the more ancient, pre-christian, religions? Religions that were not so obsessively patriarchal? Religions that are not stained by xenophobia and male supremacy? There are more than a few olden faiths that revere strong and powerful Goddesses…and isn’t that more Matriarchal than revering a misogynistic god and potentially pretending that he was a Goddess? A Matriarchal faith should not only put womyn first, but should have *always* put womyn first.

    • All opinions are valid. I believe the writer of this post searched for a way to reconcile his faith with his desire to be submissive and he found the evidence he needed to feel good about himself.

      The only issue I find with this post is his quote from Elise Sutton. I can not STAND when women are encouraged to humiliate or subjugate a man. A woman does not need to reduce a man’s worth to stand in her own power.

  • Dr. John Gottman

    Back in 02-21-1998 there was an article about him from the Los Angeles Times which I have in front of me right now. It’s entitled, “Study’s Advice to Husbands: Accept Wife’s Influence.”

    The article could have been condensed to just one sentence:

    “The marriages that did work well all had one thing in common — the husband was willing to give in to the wife.”

    This parallels what we read in the better translations of I Timothy 5:14, which states that wives are to “rule the household” (Revised Standard Version). This is not rocket science.

    • This is awesome research on your part. Maybe you should start a blog yourself to share your wisdom with other Christians who view the Bible as an authority in their lives. I am certain it would be appreciated. If you find any more articles that support FLRs, please do send them my way so that I can share them.

  • I confess up front that I don’t belong to any of the Imaginary Friend In The Sky organisations which, despite their dubious moral history, remain as self-appointed guardians of morality and all things decent and nice. I suppose if some people need to have Female-Led Relationships and christianity in the same sentence (like I’ve just done!) then there’s probably not much point in arguing with it. I can’t prove a negative. I can argue for a week and never prove to anybody that the christian god doesn’t exist. All I can do is suggest it’s unlikely and if strange old men in bizarre costumes floats your boat … hallelujah! On the other hand I can prove that human Goddesses do exist, they are supremely powerful and they are to be worshipped and adored.

    It’s nice of the bible to condescend to allowing women to rule inside their own homes. I’ve noticed that the courtesy doesn’t quite extend to allowing women to dominate inside the lord’s own houses. This is true of all mainstream man-made religions, not just christianity. They are patriarchal by nature.

    I agree with Meliora’s thoughts on this.

  • “Men may still have more power in the workplace, but apparently women really are “the boss” at home. That’s according to a study by a team of Iowa State University researchers (on July 5, 2007).

    “The study of 72 married couples from Iowa found that wives, on average, exhibit greater situational power — in the form of domineering and dominant behaviors — than their husbands during problem-solving discussions, regardless of who raised the topic. All of the couples in the sample were relatively happy in their marriages, with none in counseling at the time of the study.

    “The researchers concluded in their paper that wives behaviorally exhibited more domineering attempts and were more dominant — i.e., more likely to have their partner give in — than husbands during discussions of either spouse’s topic. That refuted their initial premise that sex differences in marital power would favor husbands.”

    So it appears that women, at least in the home, are the more dominant sex and men are the more submissive sex, which I have suspected for some time.

  • I think you are missing the point. When asked what is the greatest commandment, Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”

    The question is not whether your particular style of an otherwise Christian marriage is approved by God. The question is whether your particular desires within that marriage stand between you and God.

    In my most imperfect understanding of my faith, if I exalt some worldly thing, whether it’s money, or sex, or sports, or whatever, to the point that it disrupts my relationship with God and my ability to carry out that most important commandment, then it is a sin.

    Your thoughts?
    Al

    • You’re referring to Matthew 22:37-38.

      But you left out the next verse, verse 39, that says we ought to love “our neighbor” (King James) as our self.

      And clearly that would include one’s wife. In fact, God, through the apostle Paul, commands us husbands 4 times to love our wives. Unconditionally! Wives, on the other hand, are never once commanded to love their husbands, only to be “fond” of them (Titus 2:4, original Greek). And “fondness” is based upon proper deportment!

      Now with all of that emphasis that God places upon husbands LOVING their wives, one would think that professing Christians would understand its meaning. Sadly, many — if not most — don’t. One of the major facets of love is that “Love does not insist on its own way” (I Corinthians 13:5; RSV). In other words, a Christian husband who loves his wife will be submissive, just as Christ was (Matthew 11:29).

      Am I guilty of exalting women more than I should?

      No, I don’t think so, not any more than God Himself does. He says that woman is “the glory of man” (a chief pleasure)!

      In the Bible one can see 7 profound similarities between the mother/son relationship and the husband/wife relationship:

      1) A baby is helpless, dependent, and very much needs his mother. Likewise, the Bible reveals a man is very needy and dependent upon his wife.

      2) A child belongs to its mother. In the Bible we read that a husband belongs to his wife.

      3) A child is under his mother’s authority. Likewise, the Bible says that a husband is under his wife’s authority.

      4) A child must obey his mother. Likewise, the Bible shows that a husband is to be obeying and submitting himself to his wife’s commands.

      5) A child, according to the Bible, is to be disciplined with a rod by its mother. Likewise, the Bible encourages a wife to retaliate and discipline her husband.

      6) A baby needs to suck his mother’s breast. Likewise, the Bible says that a husband is to do the same with his wife — continually.

      7) A baby clings to its mother. Likewise, the Bible says a husband is to “cling” to his wife.

      As someone once observed, “a wife is to take the place of a man’s mother.” Indeed, it is God’s plan for marriage to be very much like a mother/son relationship, with a wife becoming not only the mother of her husband’s children, but as HIS mother as well. Of course, many men and women may not like God’s plan, but there are at least 2 good reasons for it. First of all, for a husband to have such a lowly, subservient position in relation to his wife he learns humility and submissiveness. Such qualities in a man are extremely important to God and — symbolically — it was why God had instituted the ritual of circumcision for the men of ancient Israel. By the way, this surgery was sometimes, if not most often, performed by the wife.

      Secondly, the Mother and Baby element of marriage forges a bond between a husband and a wife that has no equal. This was seen by no less an authority than the author of “What You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (but were afraid to ask),” Dr. David Rueben. He wrote, “Because the closer a woman comes to reproducing the ideal relationship between a man and the first woman he ever knew — his mother — the closer she comes to getting exactly what she wants (and incidentally, giving the man exactly what he wants) from the relationship between them.”

      I’d be happy, Al, to answer any further questions or objections that you have.

      Other readers as well.

      Ken

  • I omitted Matthew 22:39 because my point was regarding the commandment described as the greatest. Christ refers to the love of neighbor as the second commandment, though He does teach that the entirety of the law is contained within those two commandments.

    Since you bring it up though, what would the role of the husband and wife be in the context of a Christian marriage and the command to “…love your neighbor as yourself.”? How so then should a wife love her husband? The answer is given, as she loves herself. Of course this opens up an entire case of worms on what is love, and how do we apply it.

    Also, you are being very selective in your references to Paul. In 1 Corinthians Chap 7, he renders some very clear instructions on the subject of marital relations:”Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. ”But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

    Again, my objective in this discussion is not to find Scriptural opposition to FLR, but to point out that searching for direct Scriptural support for FLR is a bit of a twist, logically and spiritually.

    We should consider why a wife might be placed in charge of domestic affairs. In that time, what was the highest calling for a man? It was to study the Word of God, to pray over it, to absorb it right down to the bones. In that sense, it makes perfectly good reason to unburden the man from domestic distractions.

    Finally, the remainder of your points sound like unsupported personal conjecture. Matthew 11:29 is understood to mean that obedience to Christ’s word is easier than obedience to the interpretations of the law by the scribes. The parallels between a mother and a son and a wife and a husband are dubious. Parents mold and guide their children, but the relationship between husband and wife is of equals, growing together in love of each other and of God. To slightly paraphrase Galatians: ‘Through faith, we are all children of God in Christ Jesus.’

    Regards,
    Al

  • Al, you wrote that my “points sound like unsupported personal conjecture.”
    Maybe they sound that way to you because they are almost entirely different from what you have been taught previously.
    And I’m amazed you said that my points are unsupported. I know of NOTHING I have stated on this blog that I cannot back up with scripture.
    Here’s my challenge to you: Pick any statement I’ve made in the past (or present) and ask me for scriptural support for it.
    I will give it to you.

    I’m incredulous. How can you have such a difficult time understanding the clear teachings of God’s Word? He tells you that a “woman ought to have authority OVER her head” (I Corinthians 11:10) and she is to “rule the household” (I Timothy 5:14)? Too complicated for you? How could God have made it any plainer? How are these scriptures “a bit of a twist, logically and spiritually” as you claim? A little child can understand them. Christ said that if you love him you will keep his commandments. Similarly, if you love your wife — AS GOD HAS REPEATEDLY COMMANDED YOU — you will do what she tells you to do.

    Thanks for bringing up I Corinthians 7:4:

    “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” (New Living Translation)

    It’s a good scripture and its another example of a wife having authority in the home. Now to the casual observer it would appear that the apostle Paul is giving equal authority to both husbands and wives in sexual matters. And this is true — ON PAPER. But in actual practice, because of the law of love, it doesn’t always work out that way. For example, let’s suppose a wife is angry with her husband or that she has a headache. Can a Christian husband cite this scripture in Corinthians and claim she must have sex with him? No, of course not. So you see how God’s law of love modifies the husband’s “authority” over his wife’s body. Consequently, a wife in sexual matters has far more authority over her husband than he has over her. But before I leave this subject, I should mention an article written years ago called, “The Shulammite Promised to Initiate Lovemaking,” by Patsy Rae Dawson. She writes, “The Bible does not picture the woman as a timid body lying there for her husband to fulfill his lust on. Rather, God pictures the wife as initiating love and eagerly satisfying her husband’s deepest emotional and physical desires and needs. God never portrays the woman as a timid receiver of love, but as an active bestower of love.”

    You stated, “but the relationship between husband and wife is of equals.” What scripture do you base this on? If this were true in every sense, then God would be declaring marriage to be a 50/50 proposition. That’s not the case. He even tells us to think of others as superior to ourselves. And in many respects women are superior to us men, wouldn’t you agree?

    You wrote, “Again, my objective in this discussion is not to find Scriptural opposition to FLR.”

    No? I hope not. Nevertheless, I’m reminded of a statement made by a writer of Christianity Today back in 2002. He stated that, “I became disquieted by evangelical attitudes toward women, which struck me as chauvinist at best, and probably misogynist.” I personally have seen examples of this over and over and it makes me ashamed that so many professing Christians are this way.

    Ken

  • Haha. Sorry, but there is a lot out of the context. In the context is Bible gently patriarchal. This is the reality.

    But okay, every man in the Bible finds what he wants. The dominant male has in bible many text and submisive man also (a bit) texts. The Bible is good and ideal for all… 🙂

  • ​Haha?

    Are you trying to be derisive?

    You either have no real love or respect for women, or you have no real respect for God’s Word.

    Perhaps both is true.

    Grow up.

  • Some professing Christians object to the idea of wives ruling the household, as plainly stated in I Timothy 5:14 (original Greek). They say that Christian wives are to “fear” their husbands (Ephesians 5:33) and thus become cringing, docile, servants — which is not true. For when you search out the meaning of this verse you learn that the meaning is only that wives are to take very seriously their husband’s position in the marriage, which is to speak for God using the Word of God (the same assignment that God gave to Adam).

    Others might complain that if wives truly have domestic authority over their husbands (as we read in Corinthians 11:10), then where do we find an example of such a woman in the Bible? Actually, there is such a woman in the Bible and if a Christian woman today is a true child of God then she is a daughter of this woman’s husband, a daughter of Abraham (I Peter 3:6). Yes, I’m speaking of Sarah. She and her husband had a femdom marriage.

    Now my wife and I have what many people would call a Christian femdom marriage and I’m proud to say that she is about as dominant a woman as you’ll ever meet. Nevertheless, when she wants me to do something for her she often will make it a polite request, even saying “please.” However, if she is angry with me or the situation, she often will drop the polite request and sternly command me to do as she tells me. This is much like Abraham’s wife, Sarah. She too would sometimes politely ask Abraham to do this or that, even saying “please” or its equivalent, “I pray thee” (Genesis 16:2). But when she was angry, Sarah sternly commanded her husband to, essentially, do as he was told (Genesis 21:10).

    This news probably comes as a surprise to most professing Christians. Sarah is held up in the Bible as a model for all married women for we read that she was “in subjection” and “obeyed Abraham” (I Peter 3:5-6). And no doubt she did obey her husband by living a virtuous and exemplary life in accordance with God and Abraham. Indeed, in this manner she was “”submissive” and “quiet” (verse 4).

    But in domestic matters, she was no cringing servant, but ruled the roost, as we plainly see in Genesis 21:10. For Abraham LOVED his wife and consequently he was in the habit of doing whatever she asked of him and never saying “no” to her that we have any record of. In this way he fulfilled his part of God’s command for husbands and wives to be submitting themselves “to one another” (Ephesians 5:21). However in this particular case Sarah, in her anger, gave to her husband a command which was most unique and quite extraordinary. For she was ordering Abraham to “cast out this bondwoman and her son” (Genesis 21:10). Now “this bondwoman” was Sarah’s. And “her son” was Abraham’s! Sarah was ordering Abraham to make his young son leave their home, a very grievous command and, what would seem to be, very contrary to God’s law of love! Therefore, most Christian husbands would immediately dismiss such a request from their wives — much less such a COMMAND! But Abraham, being a loving and submissive husband, did consider her demand. And while doing so, God intervened and set Abraham’s mind at ease, telling him to “hearken unto her voice” (Genesis 21:12). NOTE: Today God, in the person of Christ, rarely speaks to us audibly, but through His Word, which must be our guide.

    To sum it all up, in a true Christian marriage husbands and wives will be submissive to each other, husbands in “domestic matters” (I Timothy 5:14; Weymouth’s version) and wives in spiritual matters, “in everything” in God’s Word (Ephesians 5:24). Indeed, a meek (submissive) attitude is a mark of a godly person, which Christ had (Matthew 11:29); Abraham and Sarah had; Isaac had (Genesis 22; Genesis 26:19-22); and Jacob had (Genesis 30:14-16; Genesis 31:3-13). It is very prominent in a true Christian marriage, but sorely lacking in many so-called Christian marriages today.

    • Very interesting…

      Similar view has the Pope John Paul II, He says: Also man should be subordinate to wife…

      Pope John Paul II says:

      “Of fundamental importance here are the words of the Letter to the Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the Church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

      Corresponding to the truth of this institution is the exhortation: “Husbands, love your wives”, love them because of that special and unique bond whereby in marriage a man and a woman become “one flesh” (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:31). In this love there is a fundamental affirmation of the woman as a person. This affirmation makes it possible for the female personality to develop fully and be enriched. This is precisely the way Christ acts as the bridegroom of the Church; he desires that she be “in splendour, without spot or wrinkle” (Eph 5:27). One can say that this fully captures the whole “style” of Christ in dealing with women. Husbands should make their own the elements of this style in regard to their wives; analogously, all men should do the same in regard to women in every situation. In this way both men and women bring about “the sincere gift of self”.

      The author of the Letter to the Ephesians sees no contradiction between an exhortation formulated in this way and the words: “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife” (5:22-23). The author knows that this way of speaking, so profoundly rooted in the customs and religious tradition of the time, is to be understood and carried out in a new way: as a “mutual subjection out of reverence for Christ” (cf. Eph 5:21). This is especially true because the husband is called the “head” of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church; he is so in order to give “himself up for her” (Eph 5:25), and giving himself up for her means giving up even his own life. However, whereas in the relationship between Christ and the Church the subjection is only on the part of the Church, in the relationship between husband and wife the “subjection” is not one-sided but mutual.

      In relation to the “old” this is evidently something “new”: it is an innovation of the Gospel. We find various passages in which the apostolic writings express this innovation, even though they also communicate what is “old”: what is rooted in the religious tradition of Israel, in its way of understanding and explaining the sacred texts, as for example the second chapter of the Book of Genesis.49

      The apostolic letters are addressed to people living in an environment marked by that same traditional way of thinking and acting. The “innovation” of Christ is a fact: it constitutes the unambiguous content of the evangelical message and is the result of the Redemption. However, the awareness that in marriage there is mutual “subjection of the spouses out of reverence for Christ”, and not just that of the wife to the husband, must gradually establish itself in hearts, consciences, behaviour and customs. This is a call which from that time onwards, does not cease to challenge succeeding generations; it is a call which people have to accept ever anew. Saint Paul not only wrote: “In Christ Jesus… there is no more man or woman”, but also wrote: “There is no more slave or freeman”. Yet how many generations were needed for such a principle to be realized in the history of humanity through the abolition of slavery! And what is one to say of the many forms of slavery to which individuals and peoples are subjected, which have not yet disappeared from history?

      But the challenge presented by the “ethos” of the Redemption is clear and definitive. All the reasons in favour of the “subjection” of woman to man in marriage must be understood in the sense of a “mutual subjection” of both “out of reverence for Christ”. ”

      APOSTOLIC LETTER – JOHN PAUL II – MULIERIS DIGNITATEM

      (But were also popes what they were saying – only a woman should be subordinate to man, not man to wife. Therefore in the Catholic Church are different opinions for this matter.)

  • I too suffer from this and I tried to justify myself and to others through quoting various scriptures but still I don’t feel its right. I wish my desires be in line with the Song of Solomon which is filled with love and passion. Also I am not condemning or saying people are going to hell. I am just saying that I always feel deep in my spirit that something is not right.

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