Love It or List It: Alice & Desmond’s Female Led Relationship
As you may know, I am addicted to watching HGTV’s various reality shows. Not only does it cater to the nesting part of my personality but it also allows me a peek into the relationships of various types of couples.
I find myself trying to determine which couples are in Female Led Relationships, cheering for the women and applauding the men who care about the happiness of their wives. But today, I was so enraged by this couple that I decided that this would be an important lesson for everyone who reads this blog.
Lesson: Just because she has a dominant personality, doesn’t mean she should be leading you.
The couple: Alice & Desmond (Season 7, Episode 2)
Alice is an attorney married to Desmond, a realtor. They have 3 sons and a great home just across from a beautiful park. Desmond (who resembles President Obama) wants to leave their home for something more functional and Alice wants to update their current home and stay. The two put together a list of must-haves for the designer Hillary to work with when renovating their home and the other guy who is the realtor searches for a replacement home for them. At the end of the program they judge the renovation of their current home against the best home that the realtor found for them and decide if they will keep their current home or sell it.
Watching Alice & Desmond made me want to scratch my eyeballs out.
Alice created a list for the designer to complete in her current and then came back and retracted the most important things on the list. Her husband is a professional realtor but each time he made a suggestion she dismissed it.
She walked into the home to check on the progress of the renovation and saw that the first floor powder room was still there. She had never asked them to remove it so I do not know why she expected that the ONLY restroom on the entire first floor would be gone. Desmond reminded her that their sons use that restroom several times a day. She dismissed his concerns. After a bit of back and forth with Hillary, she told Hillary that she wanted the powder room removed.
The entire renovation crew was stunned. Who removes a powder room? Powder rooms add value to the home. Now their 3 sons will share one bathroom.
Then as Hillary discusses the design for adding the 4th bedroom and office space they really wanted, Alice interrupts and tells them that they would not be adding a 4th bedroom because it would take away from having a family room. Her husband Desmond raises his eyebrows but he shakes his head and motions for her to have her way.
The entire point of the renovation was to improve the house’s functionality and make it more comfortable for their growing family. Not only does she demand that an essential bathroom is taken away, she also demands that the one thing her husband wanted (a 4th bedroom) is removed from the renovation project.
Again, the entire crew is dumbfounded.
She then tells her husband, “Go wait in the car while I speak to Hillary.” Then she requests that Hillary add a gas stove to the kitchen remodeling project and Hillary tells her that she has already measured everything and ordered the cabinets for the space and she says, “You’re the designer.”
There have to be redeeming qualities that this woman has that sparked a romance with a charismatic man like Desmond but this episode of Love it or List It led to me to point out that a dominant personality is not indicative of true leadership. Desmond was definitely following her lead but I felt sad for him the entire time I watched the show.
When a woman is truly an effective leader of her family, she is responsible for the well-being of the family and places the comfort and progress of the family unit above her own ego. She makes decisions that benefit the family as a whole.
The removal of the powder room and rejection of the additional bedroom reduced the resale value of the home significantly. Alice then decided to sell the home which means the decisions she made against her husband’s wishes were detrimental to the family.
So many men write in to express how much they want a dominant woman to love and serve but, would any dominant woman do? Is a dominant demeanor the main characteristic you are searching for or are their other traits that must also be present? What do you think about this scenario?