Why Is Male Chastity Closely Associated With Female Led Relationships?
Before I answer this question I want to share with you why I am qualified to answer it. I am not in a Female Led Relationship at the moment and I was not in one when I created Conquer Him. I began studying Female Led Relationships objectively because I saw that people were interested in it and I was curious about it myself.
I am not one woman teaching you how to create a FLR from my personal point of view. I am not presenting this information as though this is the ‘right’ way to behave in a FLR because I want you to revere me as some kind of authority and imitate me and my partner. The information that I present is culled from dozens of interviews, surveys and personal interactions with people who are currently in FLRs or are seeking to create one.
I did not read any books on FLRs or take anyone’s class to learn about their perspective. The information I present comes from REAL PEOPLE that I have spoken with, took my surveys, participate in the FLR Coaching Programs or allowed me to observe them and their partner.
After personally interacting with people involved in real FLRs I take the most common opinions and values and share them along with my objective analysis. I get the real scoop on what a variety of women really want from a FLR and what motivates men to participate in them. I ask tough questions. I am often skeptical because this sometimes seems too good to be true.
I am not trying to feed you a fantasy so that you can become aroused and buy books from me. I want you to have real life practical information that will help you to create a real FLR instead of living a life of disappointment because you can’t find the fantasy that other teachers and novels depict as examples of the FLR lifestyle.
Now back to the question.
Why is chastity so closely associated with Female Led Relationships?
The answer is simple: Men want it that way.
Most men who openly express that they want a Female Led Relationship do so because they want the focus to be on controlling them and paying attention to their penis. Most men who are aware of the term Female Led Relationship are masochists who are looking for a woman to control them, deny them sexual satisfaction, dominate them sexually and hurt them emotionally.
From the many women I have interviewed about the topic of male chastity and orgasm control, most women do not care about placing a man in chastity. Why? Because that is too much focus on HIM instead of placing the focus on HER.
When a man wants a FLR because he wants to be controlled and have the focus mainly on his penis, he wants a Femdom FLR. He does not want a Loving FLR. He wants his needs met FIRST before he will even think about meeting hers. While he may fool himself into thinking that his desire is about finding a great match for kinky play, it’s really about her servicing his needs.
Is this a true FLR?
It could be. If the woman recognizes this is what motivates her partner and uses it to her advantage, she can get what she wants from him. It will become a game for her where she will always have the upper hand.
Although most women do not give a damn about placing their partners in chastity, they do report that once they do, the men fall in line and become more obedient, more helpful and more focused on empowering her and progressing in life in general. From what I have learned from real women in real FLRs, it’s as though stopping the man from releasing his orgasm allows him to build up his brain cells.
Men want to be placed in chastity or have their orgasms controlled because it arouses them when they feel weak for a woman, to need her, to be under her spell. Men want to be emotionally and sexually mesmerized by a woman. It gives them meaning in life.
While listening to these stories and learning about chastity the only issue I have is- What will happen when his penis no longer works the way it once did? I like to think about the whole relationship instead of the here and now. When Viagra doesn’t work anymore- what will motivate his devotion then? When she has a stroke and can’t perform her orgasm denials or teasing, will he leave her?
Yes, playing sexy games of tease & denial is fun for a couple starting out but if you want to create a loving Female Led Relationship it has to be based on more than playing with dangling body parts. The men I connect with who serve and empower women because it inspires their souls to do so are the men I want to applaud and hold up as examples to others.
Service in a Female Led Relationship is always optional. His option to serve and empower a woman is what makes this type of relationship so great; he CHOOSES to be there for her. Although his service is optional, it shouldn’t be conditional, especially when the condition is action that SHE must take in order to attract his love. If she is required to behave in a certain way in order to keep his devotion, he is the one leading the relationship.
While it may seem that men who request orgasm control and tease and denial are attempting to lead the relationship, at the root of their desire, they are really offering a woman the key to their heart by letting you know the secret way to keep them mesmerized and in check. Let’s be adults and admit that sexual satisfaction is extremely important in a relationship. His happiness does matter and his desires should be considered when making decisions unless it hurts the woman to honor his request.
If you are not a sadist and hurting your partner, barking at him and making him squirm does not appeal to you, don’t do it. You never have to do anything that you don’t want to do.
If he requests orgasm denial and chastity, you should consider it because it truly does work, but don’t feel forced to do it. If he makes it a condition of his love for you, you can move on satisfied knowing that he is simply not a good match for you. No man should ever give a woman in a Female Led Relationship conditions or make her work to earn his love.
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its been a while since I have last commented on this amazing site – but this has been a topic I would like to think I have some insight on.
I agree that the need or desire to have ones male ‘junk’ imprisoned in a device is about the males need and is focused on him or his plight. I understand it from a femdom perspective and the desire for men to want to bring it into a loving FLR … But I believe it is not needed and completely missing the point, We need to stop focusing on our penis(s) and instead truly invest time and energy into the female genital parts and orgasim!
I remember proposing to be chaste to my wife and suggested that.i should only expect or anticipate ‘release’ every three months which would coincide with the seasons. I coupled it with taking over the majority of domestic chores and duties and she went along with it. I was on the honor system and did not require a device. I read a number of books and became skilled at making her finely explode with joy and sweat and intensity with my tongue which we both never experienced in our previous 10 years of marriage. She quickly became ‘hooked’ and saw and experienced the benefits of our refocused intimacy.
For her my not cuming equated to her having a new level of bliss and this quickly became our ritual. We have never gone back and my chastity started us on a new sexual focus which is truly is about her. This ‘serrogate bliss’ empowered both of us – it makes me so proud and fulfilled.
So I feel that chastity or a refocus on who’s release is really paramount, can be an amazing tool – without need of kink or devices – to be a building block of an evolved relationship and maybe even sociaty.
KK
i read the article with utmost interest and have liked it immensely. you’re absolutely right in what you say about male chastity being associated with FLR and you’re also correct in saying that a Woman should not be given conditions or make Her work to earn his love in fact this is exactly the view which my loving Wife too has and that was why She took quite a long time to decide as to whether She could be the one who would take control of our relationship even though i was in a hurry for Her to take over control of our relationship. finally after much deliberation and after making Her terms and conditions perfectly clear to me (which i happily accepted) She had agreed to lead our relationship. it’s been almost five years now since She has taken over and i must say that i have never been happier in my life. by Her control,authority, guidance and leadership She has brought joy to my life.
It seems odd that a practice that removes the focus on the man and his penis is viewed as the opposite of that objective consideration. I am not aware of a word that describes the practice of being placed in and taken out of a device over and over again, but that word is not ‘chastity’. Lock it, forget it — move on. That seems reasonable, and more in line with what the devices are meant to be used for, no?
It really doesn’t matter whether you are in a device or not, if you are ejaculating during sex, even if those incidents become less frequent, it isn’t really chastity at all is it?
Good point! The term is more like- orgasm control instead of chastity! You are correct!
This is a really great article that touches on something important!
I agree that for many men, chastity is a kink that turns them on and wanting a lover to act as keyholder is to want to have a personal desire fulfilled. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you’re absolutely correct that for some men, it has nothing to do with empowering the woman.
I think that there’s nothing wrong with that so long as everyone is happy with the arrangement. The same is true with other kink such as domestic discipline, training, cuckolding, restraints, etc. For many of these couples, it’s about satisfying the submissive’s desires.
I would take it a step further and say that this can be true about the entire concept of FLR. For many men who seek FLR, it is about fulfilling a personal desire. There’s nothing wrong with a man seeking a woman who is fulfilled in such a role.
However, I realised that none of the above is really about what it means to be loving or submissive to another person.
To me, loving my wife means that I put her first and give her everything she could desire as much as I reasonably can. Nothing more or less than that! In other words, to make real her “dream life”, to use your words from “Submissive Gentlemen Are Heroes.”
If we both wanted to, we could use the above kinks to express our love, but at the end of the day, kink isn’t what love is made of.
I hope you don’t mind me responding to old articles. I’ve just recently become interested in these topics.
Is the male always kept chaste in a FLR ?
No.
Chastity is a classic feminine viture – the classic femine virtues include submissiveness and, in this context could be seen as “submissive virtues” applicable to submissives of either sex/any gender.
(The other aplicable classic virtues, BTW, are obedience and piety. Think about it.)