My Male Friends Were a Bad Influence
On my previous introductory letter, I touched upon the fact that I am not allowed to have male friends, or female friends the same age. It may seem unduly harsh so I wanted to elaborate further if I may.
I have a close-knit group of male friends – we grew up together, we all went to the same school, and are all now in our 30’s. Most of them are single, most enjoy football and a good few beers at the weekend.
My wife has no issue with them specifically, its more to do with me, and the way I react to their company. At home, I would like to think that I am as subservient as I possibly can be but, I have to admit, that I used to “drop my guard” when I was out with my friends, and often came in fairly inebriated – I do have something of an addictive personality, and I can’t deny that I am easily led. My wife tolerated this for some time, but often used to say that I “undo all her hard work” when I step out the door – I’m not boisterous, I am not rude or arrogant, she would just say that I carried myself differently and had a certain “swagger” when I came in.
One night, everything changed – my friends bought me some shots which were far more loaded than I thought they were. I came in, fell asleep on the sofa, and woke the next morning to my wife scolding me severely as I had left the front door wide open as well as leaving something cooking in the oven all night. That was when my wife told me that I wasn’t allowed to keep male company anymore, as well as not being allowed to have female friends the same age (I was given 5,000 lines as well, saying the same thing in writing) – she said that the only company I would be allowed to keep from now on would be senior ladies.
This was hugely difficult at first, especially at work – I sat in a team of finance brokers; my wife would often drop into the office so she knew exactly where I sat. I told her that I couldn’t really ask to move, so she took me by surprise and actually asked my boss Linda if I could be move into the office shared by Doris and Brenda, explaining that she thought I would be more productive. I was hugely surprised when she agreed.
Then, at the weekend, her Mother visited with her friend Ivy – she told me that they would be involving me church activities and would get me used to living a different, more constructive way of life. I tried not to show my unhappiness but it seemed it was evident, and my wife took me aside to remind me of my place, and to keep an open mind.
We went to a coffee morning at the rectory; I wasn’t sure how to act, or what to say, but then I found that a large part of the conversation were things that related to me – as a man, we are brought to act and think in a certain way; it can be very difficult for a man to put aside his upbringing but you have to remind yourself that it doesn’t matter, all the matter is pleasing your wife. I didn’t have to try, I just had to be honest – when one of the ladies, and when you are honest, people react to you; I explained that I was having difficulties sewing a pocket on one of my aprons and they were all really sweet and offered wonderful advice. We were then all gossiping away for hours, talking about life, fashion families and the like.
Then everything else slowly changed – I switched my hairdressers to a senior ladies stylist that my wife’s Mother used and started going with them every week – it took some persuasion to have my hair washed and dried under the big salon dryers but I found it rather relaxing, and it was nice sitting with my wife’s Mother and her friends, with us swapping magazines and sharing recipes. I volunteered for church cleaning and also joined a craft group where we made jam, cakes and things to sell for charity.
My wife has noticed a huge difference – I feel it too; I am more relaxed, barely use any kind of curse words and am more practical. But the biggest difference is that my wife and I have much more to talk about – I notice things and always comment favourably if she buys a new handbag or wears her hair differently. I also read ladies magazines much more and am always looking for lovely clothes that I think will suit her.
My male friends obviously noticed that I wasn’t around anymore. One night, they came to the door and my wife answered as I stood in the background with my apron on “I’ve told him he isn’t allowed to have male friends anymore” she said, then turned to me and asked me to tell him, and tell him that I can’t go out anymore, and that I have to obey my beautiful goddess, which I did. They looked strangely as you would expect and I felt a bit hurt, but when my wife praised me, it felt amazing and then I was back to my dusting with a smile on my face. The next time I saw them was at a wedding, but my wife made sure I was seated with, or near, senior ladies and I was not allowed to speak to other males without her express permission. Again, it was awkward at times but I have to learn to put my own feelings to the side and obey without question.
My wife encourages me to be proud of what I am learning – I take my knitting on the bus and sometimes to the salon; I remember seeing my reflection under the salon dryer in a floral hairdressing gown with my hair net and clips in, thinking I don’t look a great deal different from the other clients. In time, it becomes second nature, and then sometimes senior ladies gravitate towards me which is lovely.
Again, all my doubts, fears and worries were unfounded, and yet again my beautiful goddess was right. I am blessed to serve her, I am so blessed to be her inferior – at the beginning, she said “I am the only friend you really need” – she is right, and I obey.