My First Experience with a Submissive Man
It was dark out when I met him.
I was out enjoying the night breeze, taking a walk in my neighborhood. He said Hello and I smiled back. He called me Miss and asked for a moment of my time. I obliged, curious to hear what this smiling stranger had to say.
“I love your feet,” he told me as he watched for my reaction. “I want to worship you.”
Ahh. The mating call of a submissive man.
Never mind that this was central Los Angeles at 10 p.m. and NOT Fetlife. I was taken by surprise to hear these words in real life from a total stranger.
“What do you think about the role of men and women in the home?” he asked me.
“Well, I believe that if the woman is smarter and more capable, she should lead the home.”
He smiled. “Me too,” he said. “I like a woman who knows what she wants. She should be in charge.”
“Are you submissive?” I asked him.
He nodded. “When I see you, I think you might be exactly what I have been dreaming of,” he explained. “You’re a Goddess.”
Why Yes, I am.
How did he know that? Is he a spy? Did someone send him?
While I have been researching Female Led Relationships for a couple of years now, interviewing couples and getting into the psychology behind dominance and submission, and also coaching women in Female Led Relationships based on the information I learn during my research, I have never actually been in a Female Led Relationship.
I have been single forever and I do not relate to others well. I find my satisfaction in research and teaching and I do not put in any effort into forming or maintaining social or personal relationships.
But this interaction was different. As we sat there and he explained to me how he has the desire to serve an amazing woman, “A Black African Goddess” as he described me, I thought to myself- Is this really happening?
I was freaked out by it all, meaning I was scared.
These women I coach and interview describe men who cater to them completely and THRIVE on catering to them. The men I coach and interview describe service being the best high of all time. I understand it intellectually, but is it for real?
I am not a dominant. I have never had to make and enforce rules on anyone and even as I learned about dominance and submission I wondered how I would feel if I were a part of it. Would I like either role more than the other? Could I keep it up long term?
And here it was- out of the blue- a stranger offering me his service.
“Do you have an opening for a slave?” he asked me. “May I apply for that, Miss? Please just tell me what to do to please you.”
What can you do?
“I can cook. I can clean for you. I am good with my hands. I work out every day. If you need me to do it, I will. I will take care of you.”
“Will you clean my house?”
“Yes, I will,” he replied sincerely.
I was dumbfounded. I sat there with my mouth hanging open. Is this really happening outside of Fetlife?
I stood up to leave. He touched my arm to stop me. “May I ask you one more thing, Miss? Would it be okay if I called you?”
I gave him my number and literally RAN home like Forrest Gump, freaking out the entire trip there. I took off my clothes and sat on my bed, my heart beating wildly, wondering what the hell just happened.
My phone rang and it was him, calling to see if I had made it home safely and then, “Would it be okay if I saw you tomorrow?
He was doing and saying everything the right way, with sincerity and respect.
“Let’s have lunch,” I suggested. He agreed.
We met for lunch and then took a walk to a near by park. He showered me with more verbal worship, describing how honored he felt that I would give him some of my time.
“Will I be able to see you later?” he asked.
I told him that he has to be useful.
“What can I do to be useful to you?”
“I need a fan and my trash can needs to be replaced. Can you take care of that for me?”
“Yes, of course. I can get you a fan and a new trash can and bring it by tonight.”
And he did.
And I allowed him to come inside.
“Are you ready to clean?” I asked him.
He nodded. “Where should I start?”
I handed him a pair of gloves. The bathroom.
As I watched him scrub my tub, change my shower liner, and hand clean my toilet, I was blown away. He never complained once. In fact, when he finished one part, he would ask me to come check it for him.
“Did I do a good job?”
“No. You did not wipe down the walls/windows/bottles..”
“I will do it correctly right now, Miss.”
He moved on to the kitchen and cleaned my refrigerator, stove, washed the dishes and hand washed the floor.
I was doing some cleaning too. I touched up some scratches from the paint on the walls and re organized my closet.
When he was done I told him that was enough for the night, that he could take a shower and hang out with me.
He did. We did.
But he was a little too touchy feely. He is very much aggressive sexually and although I like that, I was still in shock by the whole situation. I expected him to be a fraud. I expected this to be a scam. But the truth is, he just likes following my directions.
His verbal worship was consistent and unrelenting, which I fucking love. His worship was hypnotizing and healing to me. FINALLY, I get to hear the very words that I have always believed to be true.
Tell me again how my brown skin is beautiful to you. Tell me how my green eyes are radiant. Tell me again that my presence makes you nervous. Call me a Goddess again.
I did not allow him to sleep over, instead I sent him home around 2 a.m.
We met up again and he brought lunch for me and chocolate ice cream. I then told him that the next time I saw him, I would have a treat for him.
I called him up and asked him if he wanted to come over to give me a massage.He happily agreed to meet me in one hour.
I hugged him and then thanked him for being awesome.
“I like you,” I told him. “You have been doing a great job serving me. This list is for you.”
I could see him inhale sharply as I pulled out a sheet of paper.
I read the list to him:
1. Do not call me to ask me if you can see me. I will call you.
2. When you come to see me you must bring a gift. Ask me if I want anything.
3. When you come to my front gate, wait until I come get you. Do not follow someone inside.
4. When you get here, check the garbage, dishes, bathroom, floors and clean up anything that is out of place.
5. Do not ask if you can touch me. If you do a good job and I see that, I will invite you to stay a little longer.
6. It is always my choice which movie we watch.
7. I have to orgasm first, always. If I do not orgasm, you do not orgasm.
8. If I say NO, do not ask again.
9. Always sit on the chair unless invited to sit on my bed.
10. Before you leave me, thank me for the chance to serve me.
If you do not follow these rules, your punishment is 1 month of no service. Does this make sense? Do these rules seem fair to you?
He nodded and agreed that they were fair. Then he signed the list and dated it..and then he wrote the time he signed it too! LOL
I gave him a hug and then pointed at the broom. This room needs a good sweeping and mopping. Move all of the furniture and put it back. I am going for a walk. Remember there are cameras in all hallways and I have sent your photo and ID information to my Mama, my sister and my online friends so act up if you want to.
When I got back from my walk he was almost done with the floors so I went to take a shower and then grabbed my tablet to check up on the students in my FLR Training For Women class that I am running.
Let me take a moment to step back from the tasks he was completing to describe what it feels like to have someone completely dedicated to serving you, with no hesitation. I felt completely EMPOWERED.
I felt that with someone taking these tasks off of my plate, I could focus on more important things. I felt like someone really cared about me. To me service is an act of LOVE.
And I have not felt this loved in a very long time.
I did have a few concerns. When we first began talking he would ask me what I wanted him to do and I could not think of anything to ask for. Being single and independent for so long has left me socially inept. I care for myself without thinking about it and I never imagine anyone helping me.
I also battled with my suspicions that he was sent by someone to try to hurt me. I really thought openly submissive men like him only existed on the internet so how did this happen in real life.
I have had to correct his behavior so many times, but he always says- I won’t do it again.
I have had to tell him to pull up his damn pants. He is 24. (groan)
I have had to tell him not to use any curse words or aggressive speech while he is with me.
I have had to tell him that he is to NEVER buy a beer in public while he is with me ever again. I think that is trashy.
He has already lied to me once. He gave me a fake name and when I asked for his I.D. he froze. He expressed that he was nervous about meeting with me too because women are crazy too.
Do I like spending time with him?
I like it when he does stuff for me. I like going out to meet him knowing that he has a treat for me. I like watching him clean for me. That really, makes me feel aroused for some reason.
After he finished all of that cleaning, he asked if he could take a shower. When he got out, I had made myself a drink and chosen a funny movie to watch. I had also changed into a slinky nightie for him.
I gave him a big hug and invited him onto my bed.
I told him that he could have fun giving me a massage but he can not touch my feet.
He did have a marvelous time worshiping my body for the first time. But when it came time to receive pleasure, being 24, he had no idea what he was doing.
And I had not had enough practice with men who were only interested in pleasing me to know how to instruct him so I asked him to stop. He was disappointed and apologetic.
I do not know what I like sexually because it had never been the focus of my sexual experiences. I have not had a long term partner in more than a decade. I have really been focused on my work and not very impressed by the people I have been meeting.
I tried to watch the movie and he sat on the chair watching it with me. He kept interrupting the film, wanting to know if he could try again.
I was not interested and had to tell him no more than once.
Even in my tipsy state, I did remember that we had an agreement.
“Does our list say that you can not ask me for anything more than once?”
He bowed his head. Yes.
“And what is the punishment?”
“Ok. So you have one month then.”
“Do you really mean it?”
“Yes,” I assured him. “I have other things to do anyway.”
“You are going to miss me,” he stated sadly.
“If I miss you, I will call you. It is time for you to go now.”
He left, looking over his shoulder at me one last time.
THE NEXT DAY
My first rule was DO NOT CALL ME. And he got a first punishment of no contact for a month, but I had allowed him to text me if he wanted to. He called me the next morning. When I called him back and told him that was against my rules, he apologized and I told him, his punishment for that is, NO TEXTING OR CALLING ME period and that I would call him when I wanted to talk.
When I woke up from my nap, he had called again.
I told him that this was unacceptable and now, he can not ever all or text me and I do not want to see him again. He begged for another chance and I told him NO.
I told him if he called me I would contact the police and he said- What can you say? That I raped you?
No. I will say that you are harrassing me.
He went quiet.
I said goodbye, hung up and changed my number.
I do not think he will follow my requests.
I am utterly disappointed and upset. I RARELY ever give men a chance with me aside from casual sex when I feel like it. I never give men the chance to be with me because I think they do not deserve it. I gave him a chance, invited him into my home and gave him the chance to be in my life.
I am very upset and disappointed and I will not allow this to happen again.