Redefining Female Led Relationships
It’s a personal quest of mine to introduce the concept of Female Led Relationships to the general masses. To put it plainly, I want all women to understand that they can have a Female Led Relationship even if they are not into BDSM and kink. That is what this site is about.
Typically, the lessons and wisdom I share here are my personal analysis of the relationships I encounter as I continue to interact and interview real couples in relationships that they label as Female Led. Many of the stories I found had elements of kink, degradation and sexual restraint but it wasn’t until I happened upon one amazing woman who did not use any of those elements to lead her relationship that I realized what a Female Led Relationship led by a woman of power really was.
A Female Led Relationship implemented by a woman of power is hands off. Spending your days counting down to his orgasm, implementing punishments and demanding that he comply with your wishes through force are forms of kinky play that are fun, but unnecessary. A man should honor a woman’s choices because he wants to, not because he is forced to. If a man attempts to convince you that he needs you to ‘do something’Â in order to get him to honor you he is using you to service him and he is being manipulative.
When a woman offers a man attention and affection it should be because she wants to, not because he requires it. If he requires an action on your part to get him to honor you as a woman and you do it, you are being submissive to him. That is not what a Female Led Relationship is about.
Remember that when I began Conquer Him, I had no exposure to the popular concept of Female Led Relationships, I had not read any books on the topic or anyone’s blog posts. It didn’t matter to me what others were teaching because I wanted my perspective to be fresh and not a duplicate of someone else’s beliefs. IÂ created the concepts that I present on Conquer Him based on my personal research and analysis of what constitutes a healthy, loving FLR.
For the first time today I stumbled upon FemaleLedRelationships.Com. See, I told you I had never even looked to see what others were saying about this topic. I was floored. No wonder so many kinksters are flocking to Conquer Him. I am attempting to redefine a term that has been around for quite a while and has an extreme fetish slant to it. That site leads the reader to believe that Female Led Relationship are about chastity, feminization, female domination and erotica.
Take a look at the comments.
Wow. Seems like torture and pain is paramount in Female Led Relationships, according to this site. I am not saying that what they are teaching is incorrect or bad. We all have the right to define our relationships in any way we see fit. If their definition of a FLR seems more in line with your beliefs then you have found your community. If my idea of a FLR seems more up to speed with your beliefs then the Conquer Him Community is more of a good fit for you.
Because of my exposure to FemaleLedRelationships.Com I now have a better understanding and patience for the people who reach out to me with their kinks in their hand. When I use the term Female Led Relationship, kink is all they know and they assume that I am on board with the common definition.
I won’t be upset anymore, but I will work harder to redefine Female Led Relationships so that ALL people can benefit from this concept.
Imagine a world where every man seeks consent before he touches a woman.
Imagine a world where every man honors the choices of the women in his life.
Imagine a world where men cater to women and cherish women.
Imagine a world where women are free to be as glorious as they want to be without restriction.
Imagine a world where men encourage women to be great.
We can make that happen when we strip away the demands that women MUST BE demanding, controlling, bitchy, domineering, restrictive and sexually dominant in order to create a loving Female Led Relationship. Women should be appreciated for who they are and not be held to honor some the male sexual fantasy which is exactly what I believe sites like the abovementioned are doing. That site is catering to a man’s fantasy of being vanquished by a woman. We have to take away the kink from Female Led Relationships so that all people can understand how to use it to improve the relationships between men and women.
Will you help? Please share your story of your Female Led Relationship without kink. Please share with us how you are honored by a wonderful husband and how he empowers your progress, not because you are forcing him to, but because he wants to. If you are a man, please tell us how you have moved mountains to empower your wife and how she has flourished with your support.
Your story makes a difference. Be a voice for loving Female Led Relationships without kink.
Give the term Female Led Relationships its freedom.Â
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I married a powerful woman and when we had children it was decided that I should be a stay at home dad. I already did all the cooking and housework and she had a much better job. After about fifteen years she explained to me that I was subconsciously resisting her leadership preventing a more total relationship. She said that my rebel attitude was caused by my misguided male sexuality that saw women as submissive sexually and that she would need to use coercion to change me. Pam who is half my size started to use physical domination during sex by controlling when and how we had sex and inflicting pain when she felt necessary. I was improving but she still felt that my jealosy issues were not resolved and so she decided to exercise her right to have another lover to help me deal with them. She told me that not only was she going to have other men for sex but that I would help her find them and that I would be intimately involved so that I could demonstrate my acceptance of her power and show the other men my submissiveness. It was important that others were made aware that I had submitted and that I enjoyed doing so and that it improved my life in so many ways. I was totally involved with the first other man she had sex with and can still remember how I felt while watching her enjoy another mans attention. Obvious to her one other man was not enough to cure me nor was my having to confess to her girl friends. After several oter men and many sessions where her friends teased and questioned me about my lack of acceptance of my new role I became free. I became glad that other men were giving her something she enjoyed and I submitted to her friends and confessed my conversion. I freely give myself to a powerful woman in a female led relationship and sex is but a tiiny part of the rewards. All powerfulwomen are free to do as they wish sexually and their husbands are there to support them as in all other areas of their lives.
I am confused. You say you want to convey to other women a life of leadership without kink is possible and yet you post stories like the one a few days ago:
http://conquerhim.com/happy-being-servant-wife/
I know that you are leaving the option open to adding kink to a wife leg marriage but from my perspective it appears having post like this, giving your premise, would be confusing to a woman visiting your site who has no desire for kink. I think you’re sending a mixed message. It’s just my opinion but that’s the take that I get when browsing through the various blog posts you have put up.
I am on your side. I would like to see more women take charge as well and do so without all of the stereotypical stuff featured on websites like the one you have noted here.
It just surprised me, given what you stated, that you include a variety of posts such as the one I noted because in that post the woman feels as if it’s free to date outside of the relationship… Which I am assuming is a serious one and possibly a marriage. To me that is mainstream kink.
Good point! I guess it will take more effort to make my point clear. Kink is fine if the woman initiates it. I am in no way telling anyone to EXCLUDE kink from their relationships. I am saying that in no way is she REQUIRED to do it because a man suggests it.
And anyone can share a story on ConquerHim as long as it is not overtly sexual or kinky and shows honor to the woman. Wait until you read the next few posts I will share this week. Kink is involved in all of them but they are different examples of how people introduce and facilitate FLRS. When people are proud of their FLRs, I celebrate with them. I just don’t want this to turn into a sexually themed site because FLRs are not based on sexual domination.
Sex can be kink or pornography but it is a big part of female male relationship and many women are very sexual. In a female led relationship the woman determines the sexual activities and style. A woman can use sex to help a man submit to her power and if the woman desires other men for sex it is her right and the mans duty to help her.
I agree! A healthy FLR follows the woman’s lead. If she wants it, he ensures that it happens. But she does not have to fulfill his fantasy of what a FLR should be. That is my only point. It’s about fulfilling HER Fantasies!
Over the years I have been led into situations and behavior that I questioned and either because of encouragement or mild disapline I submitted. One technique that my goddess uses is the power of the group. She and her friends sit in a circle with me in the centre. They ask questions and make comments , some favorable and some not so. I must anwser any questions they ask which can be embarrassing sometimes. During this session the woman can make suggestions which are voted on at the end of the meeting. Often I am awarded for good behavior but sometimes there is punishment which the group enforces. Having a sisterhood of women makes it easier for my mistress to make me the man I want to be and it helps the other women realize how they should treat their males. I hate to use the word submissive but when the female is superior what other behavior is proper.
Are you serious? What an interesting concept. Could you ask her to share her story on Conquer Him? I would love to hear more about this from her perspective.
I will aak her, so nervous I find it difficult to type lol
What you’ve described, Te-Erika, is beyond a Feminist society, not quite a Gynarchic society but closer to the latter. 🙂
“Imagine a world where every man seeks consent before he touches a woman.
Imagine a world where every man honors the choices of the women in his life.
Imagine a world where men cater to women and cherish women.
Imagine a world where women are free to be as glorious as they want to be without restriction.
Imagine a world where men encourage women to be great.”
And, regarding “FemaleLedRelationships.com”, so you’re aware, all of Alt.com’s websites are fetish fantasy and kinky swinger sites.
Alt.com has been around for well more than a decade and whenever a URL domain registration relating to any part of so-called “alternative relationships” comes available for purchase and use online they purchase them and incorporate them into current or new revenue creating website ventures.
Last I knew (2008) their websites only appeal to and are populated by fantasists and hustlers not authentic kink community folk or D/s R/role-defined relationship L/lifestylers including those pro FLR.
To a responder above, ‘I’m Hers’; polyamory and polyfidelity are definitely not kink play. They are valid adult relationship types that have been popular for centuries worldwide and actually can serve mutually positive, helpful, healthy, loving purpose.
Contemporary convention does not equate to proper or correct for all humans at any given time. All adult humans prefer, need and deserve their own best type of primary romantic and sexual relationships… just as FLRs are best for some.
Being a submissive male in a vanilla relationship, searching for ways to add value to Her life, without having your kinky fantasies satisfied, is an intense and purifying experience.
Seeing Her enjoy your unconditional dedication and devotion, and accept Her Diva role, step by step to automatically expect you to perform your self imposed duties, is your reward.
When She starts to feel comfortable in the chemistry of such Female Centric Relation, She might start to enjoy Her power and take the lead, pushing you beyond your own comfort zone to explore of Her full potential.
It is then that the authenticity of your submission is tested, and where the two of you together need carefully travel the path further and further in the direction of Her choice.
Always keep in mind that the purpose of your loving submission is not your own satisfaction, but is to set Her free!!!
This is what I am talking about. Why don’t I get more of this? The most vocal submissive men seem to all want to brag about being humiliated and degraded and they define their humiliation as a FLR! I’m starting to lose hope that there are men who simply want to see a woman prosper.
Beautiful post Daan! It all about setting Her Free – love it!
Cheers
I have found that I receive the most reward when I can help my wife build her career and skills at both business and in design. I used to interrupt, talk-over her, repeat the same thing she just said because I was not completly istening to what she was saying. I was faster many times at coming up with a solution which was sometimes good but definitely ‘shooting from the hip’ which drove her crazy especially if we were with a client. I was what she would call a typical male that she and other women in the design professions have to deal with. I saw this happen many times first hand with other male consultants and both male and sometimes female clients that my wife was only capable of picking colors, furniture or window coverings while I knew codes and structure and major design concepts.
I can’t remember what or when I stopped acting this way an made it my mission to help and support her break these misconceptions. Maybe at least 5 years now but I would say our professional lives are also now as part of our FLR. I first have become a better listener and have stopped shooting from the hip unless she specifically asks to throw something out about a concept or design. I have come to finally realize that we are better at working together with her in the lead. (It’s telling that she passed all the licensing sections on the first try while I did not) I have also found that coming into a meeting and sitting back and letting her establish the tone and pace of the discussion also sets an improved more collaborative discussion that has been more successful and works with clients – I now take (most of the time ) the meeting notes/minutes and even lately have had both male and female clients ask me about the furniture and window blinds while deferring to her about the technical charistics of the glass!
It’s amazing how my wife has quickly and easily become the design and managing lead on projects we go after together. I am beginning to see this slowly take hold more and more in the design services industry – though we still have a long way to go to completely break down male dominance – and as lyrics from ‘KOOL THING’ by Sonic Youth say ” help us girls take down … Male white corporate oppression” !
I am sorry that I am not talking about my wife spanking me over the conference table… But I get more thrills with her getting recognized with an award or invite to lecture and am getting used to my standing behind her proudly (I guess somewhat submissively) in her shadow helping and supporting her leadership and her success.
Regards,
KK
Yes, in defence of Polyamory, I’m involved in such a relationship and have been for quite a while now. The two males involved (myself and a younger man) are completely devoted to our Lady. It’s loving and natural. She is an intelligent empowered Woman, She has complex needs and appreciates our attentiveness.
Here’s my take on ‘weird’ relationships: a couple of doors from us there is a guy, 40-something I think, who regularly arrives home drunk, yells at his wife and kids, smashes things, makes the kids cry … People who have enough time on their hands to denigrate a Polyamory relationship, for instance, would be better off getting their brains to work on solutions for empowering the families who find themselves at the mercy of such insecure inconsiderate inebriated inconsequential males.
Incidentally, the family I mention often arrives at our front door because they know they can find sanctuary here, it’s sane and it’s safe.
Every good relationship between a man and a woman is not only the taking but also giving. This is a universal truth (also for women in FLR or femaledom).