Menu

12 Responses to “Support For Women Being Dominated By Submissive Men

  • I suppose the perception that I would be asking her to be something other than what she is or that we need to change what we are is why I would never ask for a female led relationship

    • I see your point. However, it is a good thing to introduce a woman to the concept of a FLR. It is an empowering relationship style. But it’s wrong and hurtful to demand that she do it your way.

  • The Goddess and the Gentleman…

    I can dig it! 🙂

  • I am happily involved in a female led relationship but I would argue with the premise of this post. When my girlfriend and I looked into FLR – and we spent months researching and reading before we made this lifetime commitment – we both were drawn to the structure of FLR’s. A large part of that structure was discipline and rules. Our FLR agreement has a fairly extensive list of rules and behaviors expected of me by my girlfriend. When I fail to uphold my end of the agreement, my girlfriend punishes me. This is generally corner time, lectures and spankings. I would say I’m submissive in so far as I crave Her control over the relationship but there is no question, I desire to fulfill Her happiness goals by being obedient and respectful of Her wants.

    We have an agreement. We both worked very hard on all aspects of it. That agreement covers punishment pretty clearly. When she fails to correct me for my behavior, it bothers me and yes, it comes up in our monthly FLR reviews we have. I express that I need correction as we agreed it should be done. I dont’ see this topping from the bottom or trying to control her. I see it as us honoring an agreement we spent a lot of time working on….together.

    I get where this post is going in general, but I wanted to point out that ‘wanting’ to be controlled or disciplined isn’t always a sub trying to control a dominant. It’s not. In our case, it’s adhering to a contract we both signed. And by the way, most of the time, our FLR has been a complete success.

    • You may want to be controlled/punished but once you demand it or you won’t respect her, that is where I find the issue with submissive men.

    • I agree with you. My wife and I have worked out an FLR that has worked well for 8 years now, and I am a submissive male. (I should add that we were married for 25 years before starting an FLR, so our attachment runs deeper than the dominant/submissive aspect of FLR).

      I think it is a valid point that we “submissive men” can be very demanding. If we don’t understand that about ourselves, the FLR will not work. Forcing our wives to play the role of a 24/7 dominatrix does not empower women. Just the opposite.

      But that doesn’t mean that a real FLR with a submissive man isn’t possible. It probably isn’t possible if the woman is turned off by the very idea of male submission. A submissive man and a woman who is turned off by submissive men just aren’t compatible. And even if the woman is open to a relationship with a submissive male, it won’t work unless the male is self-aware enough to know that real submission has to go deeper than his erotic fantasy.

      My FLR with my wife works because there are real benefits for both of us. Because I am erotically submissive, it turns me on when my wife makes me do the cooking and housework while she relaxes. When I say “makes me”, she doesn’t actually have to force me. But sometimes she will throw in a playful threat to press my buttons. It also turns me on when she makes it clear that, although she values my input on decisions we make as a couple (e.g. concerning major purchases, vacations, etc.), she expects me to “submit” to whatever she eventually decides. I should add that it works because I do not submit purely for erotic reasons. It does feel erotic to submit. But I am also able to submit because I truly have faith in her leadership.

      Her role as decision maker, I should say, is more than an erotic game, although it is erotic. For example, I have to ask for permission to make any major purchase for myself, and if she says “no”, that means “no”. There is no argument about it. Sometimes that kind of real submission is difficult. But I do submit because I get erotic pleasure from submitting. Is that not a win-win?

      If there were no real benefits in our FLR for my wife, it would satisfy neither her nor me. But she likes that I cook and clean for her, and she likes that I defer to her as the head of the household in real ways. She likes having control in the bedroom too, to be honest.

      Now, what is in it for me? I’ll be honest: it pushes my kink buttons. And because my wife loves me, she wants me to benefit from our arrangement too. To that end, she sometimes pushes my kink buttons on purpose. For example, she spanks me sometimes. Not often, but sometimes. She does it when SHE feels like it, and she has made it clear that I am not to try to control that. She knows that I have erotic humiliation fantasies too–we both talk about our fantasies–so she sometimes pushes those buttons too, in a playful way.

      I think that an FLR is like any other relationship in that it only works if both partners want to please one another. And if the relationship does not provide real benefits to both partners, it will not work.

      I understand that women don’t want simply to service a submissive man’s kinks under the guise of FLR. That would be frustrating and pointless for a woman. But I don’t really understand why a woman who doesn’t value submissive men would even want an FLR. I mean, honestly, isn’t equality a more reasonable goal if you take kink out of the equation? The expectation that a relationship should serve the needs and desires of only one partner is both impractical and unfair.

  • I have an 18 yo daughter launching out into the world. I want her wishes to be respected, her dreams to be supported, he intuition to be valued, her heart to be treasured. I will personally go after any man who tries to abuse or manipulate her for his own “submissive” fantasies.
    I identify as a gentleman, even while flawed and imperfect myself.

  • FLR is a emptying of oneself for the sole benefit of her. As we focus on her thoughts and outlook she gains trust in our devotion to her. She sees right through s man’s lies because his desires are not in line with her superior outlook. Once the acceptance of you letting go surfaces only then does she allow you to move forward in the FLR. Devotion has no conditions you must let go, listen and constantly refocus away from your desires so her desires are forfront.

    • No offence, but that sounds like a fantasy to me. Any relationship that doesn’t benefit both partners will fail.

  • Serving her delights my inner being to the point of surrendering my person to her will.

  • Every marriage and also femdom (FLR) marriage should be a win / win. Win for man and win for woman (not only for woman).
    Use his fetish for female happiness and for male happiness also.
    This is the ideal of Femdom / FLR.

    The wise woman will use male fetish and sexuality to her advantage and also his.

  • Dear Queenie, with all respect, as a man who describes himself as a submissive, I want to share my opinion. I beleive that if a man is seeking to get satisfied his need to be controlled is not a conflict with FLR. To be honest if a man doesn’t feel this need, he’s not going to enter to this relationship. This is how it works with everything. Even when you own a car, you should answer to its needs, regular service, gasoline, tire pressure etc… or you should read the manual instruction for each device you own. If men need to be controlled in FLR, it doesn’t mean they are demanding. It means they need to be treat in a way they could continue to love, honor, worship and serve their Goddess. It is like charging your cellphone battery. It is because you’d be able to turn it on and receive the service you expect. Same with the men.

    Best regards

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *