Teach Your Partner To Focus Only On Your Needs

Previously on Rachel & John’s Female Led Relationship Story: 3 Keys To A Happy Female Led Relationship 

Mindset

When setting out to have a FLR, it is important to remember that this is all about you and your mate.  What does the woman ultimately want?  What does she want in her mate?  Where might she want to take their journey  Sure, even with planning, there will be twists on your journey.  But the relationship focuses on you.  The male needs to accept that the focus is not on him – and certainly not on his penis.

“Are you considering my needs?” I often ask John to consider when he starts talking about something he “needs.”  Refocusing him helps remind him that he has agreed to a FLR where he is working to anticipate my needs and exceed them.  He now gets incredible pleasure out of giving me pleasure and enjoying not having the control at home, although he enjoys the power throughout the day and his career.

For us, especially since John is not naturally submissive, it is about training, learning, and (at times) correction, including punishment.  Some FLRs need little or no correction since the male is truly submissive.  Some couples do not want to use or the male does not consent to punishment.  That’s fine.  For us, punishment – beyond spankings that John ultimately enjoys – is important to focus his mind.

Six years into a FLR, punishments are less frequent thanks to his mindset and the obedience training that he has endured.  Withholding his sexual release also helps considerably since John, like most men, are more submissive when they have not had release.  For me, it is important that John understands that I have the power to determine when and how release is permitted.  While some FLRs use release as a reward, I have determined that extending restrictions is a better approach when behavior is not up to my standards.  Again, we will discuss more on this later and it is a personal determination based on the two of you.

John adds:  I’ve learned that the right mindset is important to earn the pleasure of putting Rachel’s pleasure first.  It helps me accept some things that she loves but I really don’t like, especially taking the strapon cock up my butt.  Putting myself into the mindset of pleasing her really allows me to accept or even enjoy things I once did not relish.

Controlling His Climaxes

            Ironically, allowing me to control his climaxes was John’s idea.  While researching more about FLRs for me, he came across this as a basis for many FLRs.  Initially I was unsure on controlling his release.  Sex always ended with the man’s climax.  Until we started down this path, the man controlled how long sex lasted.  The man always climaxed.

John found it more difficult than he imagined.  He complained about having “blue balls,” and pushed all my guilt buttons to be able to cum.  Later I learned he viewed it as a game, kind of topping from the bottom.  He did everything he could to be able to climax.

John adds: I never thought I was so reliant on climaxing until Rachel took command.  At first I would try to find ways for her to say yes to me climaxing, even if I had to plead.  One day she laid down the law and said if I even asked, my restriction would be extended for another week.  When I tested her, she didn’t blink.  Rachel also required me to sit every time I peed when she put me on restriction.  At first, we didn’t have penetrative sex when I was on restriction. But once she started to use my erection for penetration without permitting me to climax, the length of my restrictions increased. 

When I first started to control John’s climax, it was entirely sexual.  It provided me another sadist activity.  I love teasing and denying him.  I enjoyed taking John by surprise by giving him the hint that he would be permitted to climax then stating no.  I enjoyed seeing his frustration when he pleased me repeatedly but worked hard to not climax himself.  I loved laughing at him when he would pull back to deny his own ultimate sexual release before pleasing me more.

Soon thereafter, I learned there were other benefits in controlling his climaxes.  He was more submissive and focused on my needs when he had gone five to seven days or more without climaxing.  I could mold him better.  He was more obedient and had less attitude.  John was also more accepting of obedience training and different punishments beyond spanking.

Finally, an incredible benefit of denying John climax was that sex went from the best ever to even better.  I no longer felt the pressure that my enjoyment should end so my partner could climax.  Sex continued how I wanted and for as long as I wanted.  It ended when I wanted and how I wanted.  No longer was I thinking that I should be pleasing my partner to allow him to cum.  And no longer did I have the mess of sperm in my mouth or over my body.

While I don’t care if my partner masturbates when alone, many women – in and not in FLRs – do not like that their men self-please themselves away from their wives.  This is another benefit some women might gain from this approach.

Controlling his climaxes does not mean that John is neglected.  Not only do I enjoy penetration, I like playing with him, teasing and denying him and playing with his little penis.  I also reward him with climaxes either when I want to feel him cum inside of me or when I might be amused by how I might have him cum.   Sometimes I reward him with an orgasm that way he loves: over my lap while I give him a lighter spanking while he gyrates against my thighs.  I enjoy seeing his bottom moving, especially as he gets close to orgasm.  Sometimes I will make him ask permission before he can climax, knowing that I might deny him.

Consuming His Own Cum

Many women in FLRs, along with my one friend, think that a man should always have to consume his own cum when he is permitted to climax.  I have not required this, although I thought it was important for him to taste his own cum.  For years John thought nothing of receiving a blowjob and shooting his load and expecting the woman to swallow.  He admits now that he used to be a bit insulted when she spit.  He feels differently now.  It’s also a very powerful lesson of obedience.  Once a man cums, evidently any interest in sex is momentarily gone.  The idea of swallowing or licking up his cum is then disgusting.  He has to be totally obedient to comply with this command.  Plus it is a good lesson in humiliation, having to drop to his knees and lick up his mess.

I’ve enjoyed using this as a punishment, once making him climax into a glass then I scolded him about his behavior while holding the glass in front of him.  John then had to down the messy fluid.  I then required him to lick up every drop.

Earlier this year, I had fun and told John he could climax as often as he wanted but no less than twice a week.  The catch?  He had to consume his mess no matter how he climaxed.  Guess what?  Other than one week, he only climaxed the minimum for the nearly three months.  Remember, this was a guy who almost always climaxed at least once a day since he was a teen, even if it was at his own hands.

John adds: Being required to suck up my own cum is something I still haven’t gotten used to and probably never will.  It is especially difficult since right after I cum, my interest in pleasing Rachel decreases entirely.  Upon reflection, it is a powerful way to demonstrate to me that I must be obedient despite her willingness to permit me to cum.  Her one girlfriend shared with us that obedience is not just in action but also attitude.  After I cum, that measurement of obedience is much more difficult but remains my goal and now Rachel’s expectation. 

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