When A Man Requests A Female Led Relationship
One of the challenges of running the Conquer Him Academy is facing real people with real situations and sometimes having to identify issues in their personalities that they did not realize they had. Over the next few days, I will share some of the issues that I attempted to coach the women through.
Of the four women who were a part of my Female Led Relationship Training Program that just ended, 3 of them were involved in FLRs at the request of the men they were involved with.
One woman said her husband had been waiting for 40 years for her to say Yes to a Female Led Relationship and she was trying to understand how to give him what he craves which is why she allowed him to sign her up for the program.
Another woman had playfully engaged in all kinds of kinky and sexy play with her husband because she truly loved trying new things with him. She signed up to learn more about how to play this FLR “game” to continue their evolution as a couple.
The third woman had a situation that made me cringe from the first time I heard it. She met a guy that she liked a lot, they began dating and she did all of the things she loved doing. She showered him with praise, affection and attention. She even followed the ‘no sex’ rule he implemented.
Suddenly, he broke off their relationship and she pleaded for an explanation. When he finally returned her calls, he told her that he wanted a FLR and that she should study and learn more about it if she wanted to be with him. So she did. She read every book, consumed every website and even signed up for my FLR Training so that she could learn how to dominate him. She was doing an excellent job, offering protocols, implementing punishments and she even put him in chastity as he requested.
Though she turned out to be an excellent dominant, he still became disrespectful to her at times, refusing to answer direct orders, telling her that she needs to do more to motivate his submission and on one occasion, flat out telling her that he did not care if she gave him her worst punishment.
I was upset to hear this because I got to know this woman and she was truly trying her best her to give him what he wanted.
It was difficult for me to tell her, but as her coach, I had to.
I scheduled a time to speak with her privately and I said, “If you allow him to demand that you dominate him, you are being his submissive.”
I am sure she felt challenged by that statement. I am sure she was a bit upset. I had to say it because I cared about her.
I am a student of FLR much like most of you. The only difference between you and I is the fact that I am organizing the information I am learning to share with others and I am willing to associate my name and face as I delve more deeply into this research.
Even though this is a business for me, I have spoken to too many dommes and subs not to see where this would end up. I could have easily ignored this and kept going but it is important to me that my students actually progress.
If a man requests a Female Led Relationship from a woman, he likely has an idea in his mind of what he wants to experience in the relationship. It is very likely that he will never be satisfied unless the woman meets his ideal image. This type of relationship is not truly a Female Led Relationship. In fact, this man is topping from the bottom.
Topping from the bottom is a BDSM term that means a person who identifies as submissive is actually leading the relationship by placing demands on the dominant partner. This type of behavior is manipulative and unethical and should NEVER be a part of a loving, Female Led Relationship.
A loving, Female Led Relationship can only happen when the man agrees to support the type of lifestyle the woman wants to offer him.
For this woman in particular, I shared with her that if she wanted to turn this situation around she would have to pull back and remove the dominant/submissive play from the relationship for a while. I told her to think of her future. Would this man stick around if she became sick and could no longer dominate him? A Female Led Relationship is not like Femdom play with a Mistress; you can’t just choose someone new when playing with a woman gets old.
FLR is about a long term, loving, committed relationship where the two are dedicated to grow together, even if it means taking different twists and turns that were once considered off limits. FLRs are not flings.
Much to my dismay, she would not consider my points and instead pointed out to me that I had never been in a FLR. This is true, but I have also not changed who I am to be with a man either. Goddesses do not do that.
Going through this training is not easy at all. I will reflect back to you what I see if you are honest with me. And what I see when I interview couples who are ridiculously happy in their FLRs is compromise and respect for each other. The man is there because he is devoted to the woman and cherishes her, he is not there for kinks.
Both guest speakers I had during this training were women who began as submissives in their relationships and then moved over to the dominant positions. Why?
In the first case of Rachel & John, they began to switch roles and Rachel liked being the dominant more. Because John loved Rachel and wanted her to be happy, he gave up his dominant role and became her submissive.
In the second case, Mistress Ivey was also a submissive in her relationship when it began. When she became sick and could no longer serve, her husband told her that she should be the dominant and allow him to serve her. When the roles switched, she loved it. He has been her submissive ever since.
Are you with a man who will never spend time with you unless you are playing dominant/sub with him?
Are you afraid that if you stopped your tough girl role and showed your true sensitive side, the side that wants to love him and cuddle with him and make sure he is happy, he will leave you?
Are you afraid of losing your submissive man?
If any of these are concerns that have been bothering you, then you are NOT in a Female Led Relationship.
The only way to correct this problem is to face your fear. As I advised the woman whose partner ad demanded an FLR or friendship, the only way to stop this behavior is to break him to see what he is made of.
Suspend all dominant/submissive play until he can demonstrate that he cares for who you are, without being dominated. If he can be with you without offering what he craves the most, then he truly cares for you and is worthy of your dedication to training, guiding and dominating him.
It is better that you discover what you are dealing with earlier than later.
Once again. If you are dominating a man because you are afraid of losing him, you are not in a Female Led Relationship, you are being his submissive and he is manipulating you in a way that is not healthy for you.
The difference between the 3 students whose husbands requested the FLRs is simple. Two of them have been patiently waiting for years and years, hoping for their wives to jump on board while the other refused contact until she jumped on board. The first two are not threatening to leave if they do not get what they want.
If a man threatens to leave you if you do not dominate him, leave his dumb ass alone. Fuck him. Tell him to go pay a professional domme and get the hell out of your face.
To enjoy an FLR is to enjoy unwavering support from a man who will ride with you to the ends of he earth and then jump into the abyss with you because he trusts you just that much. A Female Led Relationship is about security. It does not hurt. It does not make you yearn for something more. A Female Led Relationship means having someone to grow with who celebrates your happiness more than his own.
To learn more about how to become a Goddess, set standards and attract the type of man you truly deserve, sign up for our FLR Training Group for women.