Why I Don’t Think Femdom Is For Me
Femdom (female domination) is a BDSM term that describes a relationship between a man and a woman that is based on hierarchy. The woman is the ultimate authority and enforcer of rules in her relationship. She expends a great amount of time and effort ensuring that her male partner is compliant with her wishes.
Femdom is one choice for a type of Female Led Relationship you can enjoy but in my personal opinion, it is a choice that I find to be the complete opposite of the type of relationship I am encouraging women to engage in on Conquer Him.
Sure, every woman has a choice and should be satisfied by her choice when designing her FLR, but I find, through my many interviews and interactions with women, that the motivation behind Femdom relationships isn’t really about satisfying the woman. From my observations, relationships that center around Femdom are focused more on controlling and motivating the man, which is the antithesis of a Female Led Relationship.
Female Led Relationships should focus on creating and sustaining the woman’s happiness. The man should be the one placing the effort into sustaining the woman’s happiness and meeting her needs and kinks, not the other way around.
I came upon a list yesterday that described various Femdom activities. I was curious to read on to see if I was interested in any of them. Here are my reactions to common FemDom practices.
Goddess Worship
I love this! In my mind, Goddess worship is offering the woman what she loves for the pleasure of pleasing her. I feel that I am being worshiped when a man tells me how amazing I am and how beautiful I am and he brings me food to eat. For me, worship has nothing to do with kneeling and kissing my feet or bowing before me.
In fact, when I meet men who offer that I immediately know that they are being selfish and they are doing it to fulfill their fantasy of being subjugated. I won’t allow them to do it because it is not about their pleasure.
I also believe women who receive pleasure from watching a man kneel before her and kiss her feet may have some kink about degrading men or may have had experiences in her past where she felt less than appreciated and now wants to take it out on the man who has devoted himself to her. For her, this is payback. At Conquer Him, we do not encourage degradation of men unless both parties enjoy it as play. Submissive men are to be honored for their service.
Or, she could be a woman who feels like a Princess when a man kneels before her. Either way, forcing a man to do it, doesn’t seem honorable to me.
Orgasm Denial
Mainly used as discipline in a Femdom relationship where the woman wants to exhibit her authority over the man, orgasm denial is a tool to remind him who is the source of his pleasure.
I don’t like this tactic because I have no desire to be with a man who needs to be motivated by his penis in order to serve me. I know that there are women who do it because it makes them feel powerful and forces the man to be more docile, but I am just not the type who needs or wants control in that way. What happens if the woman stops her sexual domination? Does the magic suddenly go away? Will he stray?
I want a man who has mastered himself enough to serve me from his heart and not his sexual desires.
Cuckholding
Cuckholding is when a woman has a committed partner but takes a new lover with the full knowledge of her male partner. She sometimes does it while he is right there! I actually love this practice! I love it because a man who is a cuck is completely respecting a woman’s choice to find her pleasure wherever she wants it. He is not going anywhere. He just wants her to be happy.
Pegging
Pegging is when a woman uses a strap on to penetrate the male. I have never tried this but I bet it is fun! Some women view it as a form of domination but I have an issue with that view which was created by some backward male who believed that penetration means being conquered.
Do you see how our society sets women up to believe that they are weaker? Women are anatomically designed to receive so why would anyone set a standard that our anatomical design equates to weakness? Because they do not want women to recognize their power!
Any time anyone has to purposely explain or brainwash an idea that diminishes who you are, they are doing it because they desperately want to hide the truth of your power from you. All you have to do is reject it!
Feminization/Cross Dressing
Look at this shit right here. How is making a man wear panties and women’s clothing a sign that he is being dominated? Once again, by using this practice as a FemDom tactic you are reinforcing the asinine idea that femininity equals weakness.
They are just clothes, people! Look at the shirt you are wearing. It is cloth. It has no meaning unless you give it one. If we all wore pillow cases, then no one would be able to pass judgment on another based on the cloths we use to cover ourselves.
When you express domination by dressing your partner up as a woman, you are disrespecting yourself and showing that you are a follower of this wayward society’s rules that a man should behave a certain way. You may as well allow him to be the head of household if you are going to do that!
If he likes cross dressing then that is his kink and you can let him do it on his own time. Don’t use it as a domination tactic, unless you feel dominated every time you get dressed in women’s clothing too.
Sexual Humiliation
For the sadists and masochists in the community, go ahead and have fun hurting each other as an expression of love. But for the rest of us, who are attempting to create loving, FLRs and do not need emotional pain to feel satisfied, sexual humiliation is not something that is appealing.
I want love. I want fun times in the bedroom. I want admiration. I want attention. I want to be cherished. I want to connect in a loving way. I have no desire to sit there and come up with tricks and stunts to make my partner feel badly about himself. I want to worship him with my love too.
Corporal Punishment
Punishing a man by hitting him is one of the most common forms of discipline in a Femdom relationship. Whether you use a whip, cane or brush, I still think it is just way too much to do.
I stopped spanking my children a long time ago. I would never want to walk next to a man who needs to be hit in order to place my needs first. In fact, I would never respect a man who would be motivated by that. I want a man who honors his word and that is all the motivation he needs.
CFNM (Clothed Female Nude Male)
Oh! I am all about this! Yes, I am!
There’s no greater excitement than a (barely) naked man serving me food. This is one of the Femdom practices I think keeps the Goddess WINNING!
Financial Domination
This is the concept where the woman takes complete control of the man’s finances. I don’t mind this so much but I do not think it is necessary for a successful FLR. A man who has a heart to serve will not deny his Goddess. I believe women who employ financial domination do so as a form of sadism, with the intention to hurt the man. At Conquer Him, we do not encourage hurting the submissive men who are devoted to us.
Besides, who wants those pennies they earn anyway? I know for a fact that I will earn more than any man I am with. He can have the freedom he wants with his money, and he will likely use it to buy me gifts!
Overall, whenever I hear a story about FemDom I feel as though the man is getting too much attention. I wonder when these women are going to be worn out from motivating their submissive for years on end. It seems like service to me, constantly punishing, constantly humiliating them, constantly reminding creating new punishments and tasks.
When do you have time to work on growing your businesses or your own personal growth if your focus is on expressing your control over him? I don’t like it. Love should be easy. Love should not be forced.
If you have to force a man to comply or motivate him by hurting him, that is fine, just call it what it is. It’s BDSM, it’s FemDom. It is not a loving, Female Led Relationship.
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Love this article. A lot of terms in here that I have never heard of. I definitely don’t want ANYONE doing ANYTHING for me that they don’t want to do. Besides, is that really LOVE, RESPECT, AND ADMIRATION if you are forcing your spouse to do them. Some things I think you can do FOR FUN not to make the other person humiliated or uncomfortable.
Well. In the world of BDSM that humiliation, pain and discomfort is a pleasure. I respect that. But for my personal tastes, it does not work.
True, and it’s definitely not for me. I can only speak for myself that some things can be a little fun, but I wouldn’t take it too far. I get no pleasure from another person’s pain even if they are getting it. But, if both ppl are for it, hey knock yourself out!
One has to be careful with some of these considerations. I think that for those who pursue these practices, in whole or in part, the notion that they were being damaged, that they didn’t want to do it, or are somehow not being empowered would come as a surprise.
I wonder sometimes if communication, trust, the relationships involved, and respect do much more to drive empowerment (or the lack thereof) than the mere acts being performed?
Interested in your thoughts.
My first teacher of female supremacy, Catherine Wolfe, went through the same soul searching. She arrived at the same conclusion and guess what? Her fledgling, very promising social club, The Orb And Scepter, quickly came apart!
Why? Because if there’s nothing in the relationship for the man, he will not stay. To think otherwise is wishful thinking. Men are sexual. Attempts to work around that will never succeed.
Femdom can be abusive or can be caring. It can be humiliating or it can be enriching. It can be aloof or it can be bonding. The couple make that decision. They decide which fantasies to play and which they will not. In my own personal life, I found Femdom to be the most intimate, bonding experience there is between myself and darling hubby.
Please stop comparing me to her. We are not doing the same thing. She was attempting to build a social club. I am not. I do not support the ideas of female supremacy or femdom. You are in the wrong place if you are looking for those ideas to be encouraged here. Besides, someone who woukd encourage me to LIE about who I am is not a person whose belief system I wouled ever consider. Thank you for helping me decide.
Men get to be a part of supporting an amazing woman to achieve her greatness. That is what they get. They get to experience the love of a powerful woman who does not get her kicks from controlling another human being. She is powerful without force. He is lucky to be beside her and to experience her love and guidance and success. If you believe men need to be motivated by anything else, I suggest you start your own platform and teach them that. I do not teach that here.
What is power without force?
If you weren’t powerful, would you still want a man to worship you?
I enjoyed your article but I was quite surprised that you made this comment in your article … “Cuckholding is when a woman has a committed partner but takes a new lover with the full knowledge of her male partner. She sometimes does it while he is right there! I actually love this practice! I love it because a man who is a cuck is completely respecting a woman’s choice to find her pleasure wherever she wants”
If there’s one thing that would rip the marriage or relationship part it’s a threesome. It seems to be the antithesis of what you want to cultivate in a loving relationship/marriages.
It is one thing to have a man that wants to love and serve you. It is a completely different animal for the woman to except that service but then give her most intimate love to someone else.
And when it comes to disrespect I think this is the ultimate disrespect a woman can show a man, even if this is some warped fantasy of his.
Is it not true that what you are expressing here is a very personal perspective? That ‘cuckolding’ (no ‘h’) means that to you is fine. I don’t know that this version of the practice is what is meant by what is being expressed on this site, whatever one chooses to call it.
To be precise, I don’t know that the practice of the woman, as the dominant partner, taking a lover can even be called cuckolding if it is being done with the knowledge and consent of the partner. Cuckolding requires the practice to be secret. When one knows that one’s partner is engaging in this practice, one is a ‘wittol’, not a ‘cuckold’.
What matters most is not the semantics or labels, but the communication, trust, and respect within whatever arrangement one pursues. This practice is not for everyone — none is. It is certainly an exciting, dynamic, and empowering part of the relationships of some.
For a better world: Education at school must be changed! Boys should be taught in kissing Lady teachers feet for respect (and also the feet of the elder girls), several times a day! Later – when the boys are grown up – they would agree with their role and so they would be better husbands and better daddies!
This is awful advice in my opinion. If we force men to adhere to gender roles then we are no better then they are when they try to force women to do the same. The best thing about FLR is the freedom of CHOICE that men have to participate, not because it is expected, but because they WANT to serve and empower women.
This position seems to be sound. I would add that this choice is only really capable of being made when the man is also empowered, and consents to a subordination of that power in the service of the woman.
As a society, I think we do better when we strive to become less prescriptive, and more supportive. This is true even outside the confines of an FLR.
For a better world we should learn to respect one another, not subjugate another group. FLR is based is all about choice. Men who chose to live in an FLR and follow and support a woman because they chose too not because they are conditioned to do so.
That’s right!
How do you find a lady that is into a FemDom or FLR relationship?
You want a woman to control you, punish you and lock you up in chastity? You have to pay one to do to it. Powerful women have better things to do with their time.