Why Some Men Prefer Submissive Women

I saw him online and I was impressed.

He had created an ad looking for a submissive Black woman. He praised Black women as his preference above all others and from his photos he was sexy as hell.

I reached out to him, clearly stating that I was not what he was looking for, yet I wanted to take the time to show appreciation for how he honors Black women.  I described myself as a Black Goddess and then shared with him that a story that I will never forget from undergrad.

Many moons ago, I was riding the bus back to my apartment when I saw an attractive White man. We started chatting and I asked him why it seems that more White men do not date Black women. This guy told me that they are not taught to view Black women’s physical characteristics as beautiful. He went into detail, describing our hair, our thick lips, our shapely thighs and bottom. I accepted his explanation without offense.

So I shared this story with the guy who placed the ad and asked him to share how he was able to step outside of what he was taught was beautiful and appreciate the beauty of the Black woman. When he wrote me back, I was dumbfounded, but it taught me a lesson.

He wrote back explaining that for him, it is not about looks per se. He said that Black women have a reputation for being loud, obnoxious and feisty. He said not ALL Black women are like that, and that is why he prefers the submissive women.

He went on to share that he does not like women who refer to themselves as Goddesses because they treat men badly and believe they are superior and have the traits that most men hate about Black women.

Aha!

At this point I completely understood.

I wrote back to him thanking him for offering a thoughtful response to my question. Then I explained that as a Goddess,  I do not believe I am superior to men. Being a Goddess simply means understanding who I am and what I want from life, accepting myself as I am and not settling for anything less than what I believe I deserve.

He wants a submissive woman because he wants a woman who will appreciate what he has to offer. A submissive woman will be glad to receive flowers, candy and whatever time he has to give her. She will be grateful for his attention and cherish the times when he approves her. She delights herself in making sure he is comfortable and happy, even if it means she experiences discomfort as a result. She views his pleasure as her pleasure.

A Goddess won’t go for that.

If  you bring me flowers and candy and I didn’t ask for them, you will take that shit right back home with you.

In fact, I don’t like flowers. I think they are a waste of money when there are other bills that could be paid in advance and charities that could be funded.

A man who loves a submissive woman, wants a woman who will gladly accept what he wants to offer her instead of taking the time to find out what really makes her happy and offering her what she wants.

He is lazy and selfish and he thinks he is being a good man when he is really just serving his own interests and ego.

So no, we were not a good match and now I see why I can never be with a man who needs submission and why so many men can not date Goddesses, because we are not afraid to tell them what we want and correct them if they do not get it right.

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