8 Responses to “Are You a Lazy Dominant?

  • Great article, it’s always interesting to read your perspective. As I read this I found myself asking myself if I am guilty of focusing on myself under the guise of focusing on my wife. Articles like this challenge me to honestly look at my actions and motivations to make sure I’m really putting my wife first in all things, not just paying lip service. I really do want to serve my wife first so this helps me be vigilant about backsliding.

    You have such a healthy outlook about what you want in FLR. I’m stunned that you don’t have true gentlemen pounding down your door to partner with you.

    Thank you for the information, keep up the great work.

  • The problem is sometimes you love the man, and yes you want him to part of your life. Sometimes you love him so much that you can’t imagine life without him. Yes, there are times when it might be easier to walk away, but even domes cry.

  • If you are telling him what to do and enforcing rules because it’s what HE wants, that means you are actually not dominating him; you are his servant.

    This has long been my opinion. I appreciate that you voiced it here. 🙂

  • YES! Spot on! Couldn’t have said it better myself. Love!

  • I agree wholeheartedly.

  • Is there a time in the early stages of a relationship where it’s acceptable to cater to the needs of your sub man?
    I am new to this lifestyle and all the terms, techniques and tools were introduced to me by him.
    He clearly knows what he wants and I understand that these things such as controlled orgasms and punishments get the results we both want but I find myself with confusing emotions and thoughts around these actions. I feel like I haven’t explored what I want enough yet and I would like to go down this road together. It seems that these things have both practical value and sexual, kinky fun value.
    I don’t want to do these things because he wants them but I don’t want to not do them if they are an integral part of our progress. Also he is the only one I can talk to about my feelings so me going to him for guidance seems counterproductive. I

  • This article reminds me strongly of a girlfriend I had in high school. She was incredibly smart and driven, and it was clear her classes – and later her scientific research – were of utmost importance. At the time, I was not as submissive-leaning as I am now. I mean, I did kind of worship her, in a way – she was always a superior being in general, and already a huge boon to the human race – but I broke up with her largely because I felt neglected and because I thought we just weren’t a lifelong match (in part because she was strictly vanilla and proper and I had the filthiest mind I knew). She did not prioritize our relationship at all – I and “we/us” were at the bottom of a ladder of priorities she had – whereas, for me, I devoted myself almost entirely to her and to our relationship – until I broke it off completely. I couldn’t do anything halfway at the time – I was either all in our out.

    Now, as a grown adult, she continues her scientific research, continuing to discover entirely new things about the universe as we know it and contributing to the human knowledge pool. She volunteers and is down-to-earth and is basically loved by all she touches. She is healthy and one of the wisest and most intelligent people I have ever met. This woman – this kind of woman – is not lazy at all, but could truly be an amazing dominant in the way you (writer) seem to indicate could fit with a life like yours. What I mean is… I would love to serve her, no longer needing the attention I wanted before, and not needing training from her. I already know she is above me – she needn’t reinforce it any way. I would gladly do her chores, work to help pay for things like housing and healthcare, and do whatever else to free up her time. Why? Because the more free time she has, the more she will contribute to the world by her mere presence and work in it. And the happier and more content she is, the more and better she can further grace the world with everything she is. I think I could be the kind of a submissive that might actually interest you, but it takes a right kind of combination – a right kind of woman, like this one. I would not serve just any other woman in this way. There are many women out there who are not as intelligent, wise, kind, or contributory as she is.

    Anyway… The story with that woman is basically over because since that time, life has taken its course and I’ve been married to somebody else, and we have children. I am submissive to my wife, but it’s not exactly the same. I see my wife as my equal – not above me. She sometimes does generate awe and wonder in me – albeit in a different way – but she doesn’t fully understand the whole concept of my submission to her. She definitely sees male submission as my simply being a “doormat” or requiring more mothering or something of that nature – which is not at all how it has to be.

    Cutting that part off, I just want to reiterate the main idea of my response here… The “lazy” dominant isn’t lazy at all. She has her own priorities and responsibilities and has – even if unintentionally – earned submission. She is truly superior, and so the submission flows to her. The sincerely submissive man doesn’t – or shouldn’t – need tending to or dressing up for and setting aside special time for. Instead, he deeply desires to make his wife’s/girlfriend’s/domme’s life easier, so that she can be healthier, stronger, happier, and better at being who she is and continuing to bring all of herself to bear upon the rest of the universe.

    Ms. Patterson, you already seem like an accomplished, intelligent, and driven woman with priorities and goals of your own, and a truly submissive man for you will recognize that you are not at all lazy and that, on the contrary, you are busy contributing to the righteous cause of advocating for alternative relationships and, in particular, women’s natural power over men. You are a spark of conversation, and mixer of thoughts from across the globe via the internet, and an advocate for having an open mind and seeking diplomatic understanding between varying value systems. I have little doubt that a man will find you who will want little more than to make your life easier – with fewer chores and less stress, not more – so that you can continue your noble work and, in general, gracing the world with all those traits and abilities of yours I just described. You, too, have already earned true submission – or are at least earning it now – and so you shouldn’t have to tend to a submissive in any way. He should honor and respect that you are already above, and make it his goal to facilitate your achieving yours. There are many such men around the world – some of whom you may deem worthy enough to serve you in that way – so I think it’s just a matter of time for you.

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