Love It or List It: Alice & Desmond’s Female Led Relationship
As you may know, I am addicted to watching HGTV’s various reality shows. Not only does it cater to the nesting part of my personality but it also allows me a peek into the relationships of various types of couples.
I find myself trying to determine which couples are in Female Led Relationships, cheering for the women and applauding the men who care about the happiness of their wives. But today, I was so enraged by this couple that I decided that this would be an important lesson for everyone who reads this blog.
Lesson: Just because she has a dominant personality, doesn’t mean she should be leading you.
The couple: Alice & Desmond (Season 7, Episode 2)
Alice and Desmond Brown – Love It Or List It
Alice is an attorney married to Desmond, a realtor. They have 3 sons and a great home just across from a beautiful park. Desmond (who resembles President Obama) wants to leave their home for something more functional and Alice wants to update their current home and stay. The two put together a list of must-haves for the designer Hillary to work with when renovating their home and the other guy who is the realtor searches for a replacement home for them. At the end of the program they judge the renovation of their current home against the best home that the realtor found for them and decide if they will keep their current home or sell it.
Watching Alice & Desmond made me want to scratch my eyeballs out.
Alice created a list for the designer to complete in her current and then came back and retracted the most important things on the list. Her husband is a professional realtor but each time he made a suggestion she dismissed it.
She walked into the home to check on the progress of the renovation and saw that the first floor powder room was still there. She had never asked them to remove it so I do not know why she expected that the ONLY restroom on the entire first floor would be gone. Desmond reminded her that their sons use that restroom several times a day. She dismissed his concerns. After a bit of back and forth with Hillary, she told Hillary that she wanted the powder room removed.
The entire renovation crew was stunned. Who removes a powder room? Powder rooms add value to the home. Now their 3 sons will share one bathroom.
Then as Hillary discusses the design for adding the 4th bedroom and office space they really wanted, Alice interrupts and tells them that they would not be adding a 4th bedroom because it would take away from having a family room. Her husband Desmond raises his eyebrows but he shakes his head and motions for her to have her way.
The entire point of the renovation was to improve the house’s functionality and make it more comfortable for their growing family. Â Not only does she demand that an essential bathroom is taken away, she also demands that the one thing her husband wanted (a 4th bedroom) is removed from the renovation project.
Again, the entire crew is dumbfounded.
Alice and Hillary on Love It or List It on HGTV
She then tells her husband, “Go wait in the car while I speak to Hillary.” Then she requests that Hillary add a gas stove to the kitchen remodeling project and Hillary tells her that she has already measured everything and ordered the cabinets for the space and she says, “You’re the designer.”
There have to be redeeming qualities that this woman has that sparked a romance with a charismatic man like Desmond but this episode of Love it or List It led to me to point out that a dominant personality is not indicative of true leadership. Desmond was definitely following her lead but I felt sad for him the entire time I watched the show.
When a woman is truly an effective leader of her family, she is responsible for the well-being of the family and places the comfort and progress of the family unit above her own ego. She makes decisions that benefit the family as a whole.
The removal of the powder room and rejection of the additional bedroom reduced the resale value of the home significantly. Alice then decided to sell the home which means the decisions she made against her husband’s wishes were detrimental to the family.
So many men write in to express how much they want a dominant woman to love and serve but, would any dominant woman do? Is a dominant demeanor the main characteristic you are searching for or are their other traits that must also be present? What do you think about this scenario?
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Ugh. Part of what makes a good leader is being willing to listen to other’s opinions and make a measured decision! Just this morning my husband and I were doing a back in forth about how to arrange some furniture and I ultimately decided to go with what he suggested. The point is, he had the best idea and I had the ultimate decision. I’m the leader because I can see these things. I don’t want to be with someone who is useless! It’s super important to me that he contribute meaningfully.
My first thought was that Alice may have had good reasons for insisting on the changes she demanded. I don’t know, I didn’t see it. She does seem the dominant personality and her husband obviously wants to please and obey her, but whether or not that points towards her being a capable Leader I guess remains to be seen. With something as important as a family home, my Lady would definitely seek my opinions and we would discuss everything in detail before she made her decision. I wondered if Alice and her husband had in fact discussed these matters off-camera and she had elected to inform him of her decisions once the cameras were rolling. If so, it would heighten the ‘reality’ of their FLR and his reactions to seem to indicate his commitment to honouring her wishes. Some males do require a firm stance from their Goddesses. He may have been an eternal procrastinator. We might still be waiting for him to make up his mind. Having said that, I wish I shared your love of ‘Reality TV’, Queenie … you intelligence and insight has obviously discovered something in it that continues to escape me entirely!
Yes. Frankie. You seem to turn your nose up at a quite a few practices that many people find enjoyable. It’s okay. I have my preferences too. I don’t watch ALL reality television, but I do enjoy HGTV because one day I hope to own a beautiful home like they do. Aside from the design passion I have, I realized that each show showcased a different type of couple and it is interesting to watch how they interact. I happen to truly enjoy social anthropology which is what I see when I watch these reality shows! If you look closely, you can learn something from everything. My passion is learning from the world around me.
I thought I sounded more like a lonely voice in the wilderness rather than turning my nose up at things. I’m assuming the comment refers to my take on Reality TV and God. Well, it’s true, I find Reality TV awful and I don’t get it. If others enjoy it, that’s great. In fact, I thought I alluded to your insight and intelligence in being able to find something useful in it. It wasn’t meant to be cynical. And, as with many things I question, if ratings are are any guide, I’m in the minority and sinking fast. I think it can probably deal with a nobody like me finding fault with it.
As for god. Again, obviously, I’m in the minority. It could be argued that legions of god-fearing folk are turning their nose up at what I believe. I thought Steve and Al showed great common sense in completely ignoring my remarks about the god they believe in, if in fact they read them at all. I certainly give them credit for not trying to convert me, I’m way beyond salvation. I’ve read all their comments, they obviously are passionate about the topic, but I still have absolutely no idea what a patriarchal-driven fantasy religion has to do with Female Led Relationships. It leaves Femdom fantasy in the shade.
I don’t personally think that disagreeing with something is the same as turning my nose up it. But, respectfully, if I’m in the wrong place let me know, I’m also way beyond being offended.
You remind me of me in so many ways. I’ll leave it at that and trust you will understand. I doubt if you embrace FLR so eagerly that you are in the minority here as far as your preferences for other interests. I suspect that free thinkers are drawn to this concept. Hm. I should do a survey about it.
I love HGTV and Love It or List It and I watch the shows for the exact same reasons that you do.
I even remember watching that episode recently on Netflix and wondering about all the bad decisions that she was making.
I’ve seen a few couples on HGTV that made me curious whether or not they were D/s.
Seems like good communication and common sense were lacking with Alice’s decision making.
I can’t stand watching this episode. Alice just makes me want to reach through the TV and bitch slap her. What a nasty, nasty woman.
It was absolutely shocking to listen to her. It gave me a really bad sensation. I felt so sorry for Desmon, although he choose her. I really hope to never find in my professional life a person like her because she might destroy many great things around an ambience of colleagues and company values. I really enjoyed reading your point of view because it is exactly the point “a dominant personality is not indicative of true leadership” and professionally speaking she might be dangerous for organizations – I present the video for some classes to show wrong dominant communications. Thanks for your post