Dear Queenie: Is Male Chastity Training Common In Female Led Relationships?
Dear Queenie,
Is male chastity training common in female led relationships?
Trav
♦♦♦
Dear Trav,
Thank you for asking this important question. You are not the first man who has asked this. From my interviews with dozens of couples in both female led relationships and femdom relationships, it seems that couples in femdom relationships use this tactic more.
Femdom relationships commonly have a significant kink aspect to them where sexual power exchanges are an extremely important and vital part of the relationship dynamic. Women who participate in femdom enjoy controlling their partner’s choices and receive pleasure from it. One of the most powerful pleasures a man has, is his ability to orgasm with or without a woman. A woman engaged in femdom with her partner will nearly ALWAYS use chastity and orgasm control as a part of her domination over him. It seems to be her most powerful method to demonstrate authority.
Female led relationships are a bit different. Female led relationships are less about control and domination and more about the submissive man adoring his wife and supporting her in her goals, allowing her to steer the relationship where she sees fit because he trusts her judgment and leadership.
In a female led relationship a woman does not feel the need to exert authority over a man’s ability to orgasm because he willingly gives the authority to her. She does not have to take it by force and she has no desire to force anything.
Queenie
Previous Post
Next Post
Very fascinating and interesting! Chastity remains a powerful tool and method from the Female Goddess Owner to apply Her authority on Her male submissive. I believe that even during a FLR She might find it necessary from time to time to apply chastity measures on him … reason being that even during a FLR he might stray in his devotion and servitude to his Goddess. we are after all only people and are in no way perfect – even if our intentions might be noble and pure. Such is life! To suffer and sacrifice for our Supreme Goddess Owners remain blissful and a privilege.
Chastity is not a device. Chastity is the act of refraining from sexual activity. Yes, there are chastity devices and we even own one that I wore in the beginning of my FLM. Currently, the device is only used as a method of punishment. not because Mistress thinks there is less chance that i will masturbate without permission or have sex with someone else (nearly the same thing in her mind), but rather because she knows that with the chastity device on, erections, although possible, are painful and uncomfortable, especially in the middle of the night.
Queenie
I enjoyed reading this reply and agree with you up until the last paragraph. There are nuances here that I feel are important to add, as follows:
Over time in a FemDom relationship, the sub may be in a place to willingly give control of his orgasm to the FemDom, however the chastity device remains as it is a clear physical, psychological and public reminder of the power dynamics in the relationship.
In a female led relationship, the sexual control aspect is 2ndary and thus less of a focus. The truth is that in these relationships, the man will and does masturbate, JO, and find release – he will do this even if he has “willingly” given control to the female in this relationship. How the parties address this is an important dynamic within female led relationships.
WCK
Hi WCK
My husband does not masturbate. There are times when we don’t have sex for a while and I ask him why does he not masturbate and he says that he can wait until I am ready. I do see what you’re saying though in that the man still will not pressure or demand sex from the woman or feel that the woman is obligated and will not pressure her and will just seek other alternatives rather than forcing her if she doesn’t want to. He does try to initiate sex sometimes and it is up to me if we go through with it or not. It definitely has taken some time for us to get to this point. I do not want any power over him sexually, but he definitely finds fulfillment in being the source for all my pleasures.
My ex-Wife “broke me” from masturbating without permission through a combination of discipline (corporal punishment) along with extended periods of abstinence, while maintaining Her right to be orally serviced by me, without permitting me sexual release.
Excellent post. When my Mistress Wife and I began our Female Led Marriage, we felt like we need to :follow the rules” that we perceived to be in place. You know, the ones on the internet. Thus male chastity cage was purchased and I was instructed to wear it. not 24/7, but often enough. After a few months of intermittent wear, Mistress and i were talking and asked ourselves, why am I being required to wear this cage? Mistress felt that wearing a cage was symbolic of not being able to trust me, if was wearing the cage only to insure that I was following the rules and not touching myself or masturbating, then there was a basic element missing. Trust.
Mistress immediately remanded the cage to place where we keep the other implements of punishment. If I am to wear a cage now, it is for punishment purposes only. I am kept in strict chastity, however. To Mistress (and to me) , since she owns my sex, my sex organs and my orgasms, stealing any of those without her permission and direct supervision would be akin to cheating on her. As such, if it were ever to happen, there is a likelihood that Mistress would divorce me.
I willing submitted to my girlfriend 2 months ago and I am SO glad I did. Like all other adventures, it’s not for everyone, but submissive men can trust me — this is absolutely exhilarating. What’s even hotter is for you submissive white men (like me) lucky enough to have a beautiful black woman put you in your place. I cannot thank my baby enough for doing this for me. Also, her wearing the key where everyone can see it has me always excited/frustrated in my cage.
Our take on chastity is related to and similar to more Tantric/Asian practices related to the when the male forgoes his orgasm for long periods of time and able to make love for longer and stay – connected so to say with the female. In lieu of my release to finish my orgasim we have focused our attention or the female orgasim and making sure she has an orgasim or two or three. .. “most men are “ill-cliterate” and know more about what’s under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris” there are amazing books written on the subject and believe me have really good results. So I have found that I can totally feel fulfilled to make my wife sing, cry and perspire in Joy after diligently working intensely slowly and consistently for 20, 30, 40 or more minutes fo a single explosive orgasim… I feel so happy and connected to her on a level that we seldomly ever felt from traditional love making. She many times surprises me with a session or makes me take care of her when she knows I might be focused on other things – just because she can. She at first was not that into my staying chaste – but the benefits she had gained via my being this way is too good for her to go back. She now takes pleasure in keeping me this way and I have to admit it keeps me focused on serving and supporting her and focused on my other duties in our FLR. Not having that annoying male refractory period is also a benifit to staying in voluntary chastity. We used to have me on a seasonal plan (4 times a year if I was good ) which we still try to follow… Loosely.
I think we as males sometimes miss one of the points related to chastity and being chaste – that one of the real benefits to all of this is that it really takes the focus away from the male and empowers the female. Personally I do not believe you need a device with all of the related issues – but what ever makes a couple happy – seeing a woman wear a key is a powerful sign and symbol! In the end it should be about what makes our wives or girlfriends happy and not about it being focused on what we want. Let’s try to evolve past being just focused on the ‘device’… would be my ‘advice’
Men are controlled to a large extent by their genitals and much of their energy is directed towards orgasm. Women on the other hand experience sex in a more deeper and sophisticated way. Female control of a mans sexual urges and behavior is important for the mans well being and the relationship. A male ego can be controlled by controlling when he has sex or by demonstrating that the woman can find others who are just as capable of giving her physical pleasure. It is very humbling for a man to realize that his penis can be replaced by another man and that other men will be all to glad to provide physical pleasure to his wife.